The Scenario: It’s easy to fall back on the old proverb, “an eye for an eye,” when we feel we’ve been wronged or harmed, especially in our relationships. But how do we respond positively to adversity to build up the relationship instead of tear it down?

What do we need to build up resilience in our relationships?

According to The Resilience Scale, created by Gail M. Wagnild and Heather M. Young, the foundations of resilience begins with:

1. Identifying purpose and meaning for your life and relationships

2. Sustaining a strong resolve to pursue that purpose when faced with challenges in your relationships

3. Maintaining poise, positivity, optimism, humor and a sense of calm when the future of your relationship seems unclear

4. Being at peace with yourself and the other person in the relationship, exactly where you are in life, and owning your own identity and encouraging your partner or friend to do the same.

The Insight – Building resilience in relationships begins with strengthening resilience in yourself. It takes a conscious, daily effort to recognize and reward yourself for personal growth and feel confident with who you are today. Only after you have learned to acknowledge your own strengths will you be able to recognize the strengths in others and put forth the effort to make a valuable relationship work.

What resilient qualities do you posses?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Forks and spoons serve two unique functions when it comes to eating – a spoon scoops and a fork stabs. However, when eating linguini in Greve, a little town in Tuscany, your server will give you a spoon and a fork so that you can use them together to accomplish one goal…finish your pasta.

When does compromise and sacrifice work together to achieve your relationship goals?

In relationship studies, compromise is defined as reaching some sort of agreement by giving up something to gain something else of higher value and feeling like you’ve lost. Sacrifice is defined as reaching some sort of agreement by giving up something to gain something else of higher value and feeling like you’ve won.

According to Stanley Scott, research professor at the University of Denver, sacrificing for one another in a relationship is a sign of commitment between partners. Therefore, a compromise can also be viewed as a sign of commitment.

The Insight: Just like forks and spoons, compromise and sacrifice can be used to accomplish the same goal. As long as your efforts are not taken for granted or expected, it’s okay to feel like you’ve lost from time to time if it means the relationship goals have benefitted. Working together to instill trust, form lasting relationships, and reaffirm commitment bonds requires the combined efforts of sacrifice and compromise from all parties involved.

Do you compromise and sacrifice for the well-being of your relationships?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: What requires action or energy, can be the result or intended outcome, and satisfies a need? No, it’s not a marriage. It’s a goal. Like a marriage, the road to accomplishing a goal can be complicated and exhausting. However, when you know with hard work and dedication that the result is achievable, like a successful marriage, you are satisfied and rewarded. If you think about it you (whether you’re married or single) can define the characteristics you think are needed for a successful marriage.

Can you define the characteristics needed for setting a successful goal?

Dr. Edwin Locke and Dr. Gary Latham have created “A Theory of Goal Setting and Task Performance” where they suggest five principles that goals must have to motivate people.

1. Clarity: Create clear, concise, measurable goals

2. Challenge: Create challenging, realistic goals where rewards enhance enthusiasm and drive

3. Commitment: Goals should be understood and agreed upon by all parties involved

4.  Feedback: Goals can be flexible, re-evaluated, adjusted, measured by milestones or short-term achievements

5. Complexity: Make sure that the goal is not overwhelming. Allow ample time to successfully achieve it and build in contingencies

The Insight: Creating fulfilling goals takes more thought and energy than simply writing them down on a piece of paper. They must possess characteristics that foster an environment for success. They should be well-defined, measurable, stimulating, desirable, adjustable and complex to motivate people to strive for success.

What other characteristics should your goals have?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You and your neighbors both have pools in your backyards, but theirs is heated. You and your neighbors own the same car, but theirs is a recent purchase with an updated GPS. As Americans, we are members of an individualistic society in which competition is inherent, and sometimes we don’t realize when it becomes unhealthy.

How can we avoid unhealthy competition to improve our relationships?

Clinical Psychologist Christopher Thurber, Ph.D., suggests that we avoid unhealthy competition by engaging in cooperative competition instead. Focus on the following to redirect your purpose when competing:

1. Effort

• Instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on and praise the efforts put toward reaching a goal

2. Strengths

• Do not compare talents, abilities, skills, possessions and the like from one person to another; instead focus on individual strengths and how they support the effort

3. Enjoyment

• Enjoy yourself in the effort that you make in competition

4. Constructive Criticism

• Ask open-ended questions to understand decisions made during the competition to facilitate improvement in decision-making and action for future activities

5. The Team

• Recognize that each team member is responsible for both the successes and failures of the team, as well as team improvement

(Read More)

The Insight – It’s human to get carried away in competition and feel frustrated as a result of personal limitations. But for the betterment of your relationships, engage in cooperative competition to keep from giving in to unhealthy pressures instead. As a member of any team, whether it’s with your family, your partner or your colleagues, make sure you put forth your best effort. When you look back and know you did your best to improve the well-being of your relationships, you’ll realize that working and competing  cooperatively within those teams was well worth it.

Do you compete to improve the well-being of your relationships?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life