Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Values and Morals.”

Next week’s topic will be “Roles in Relationships.”

Values and morals play such a big role when we are making decisions. Carl Rogers asked the question – do we follow our own dreams or are they really molded by society?  He also said, “What I will be in the next moment, and what I will do, grows out of that moment, and cannot be predicted in advance either by me or by others.” I like that existential view of life;)

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1.     What are They?

• Make a list of the values and morals that you choose to live by. It is important that the people and influences in your life are aligned with them. When they are not, it increases your stress levels. Defining your personal values and understanding your morals allows you to increase self-awareness and improve your relationships with others.

2.     The Basis of Decisions.

• By understanding the starting point of other’s various values, morals and beliefs, you will be better equipped to communicate and interact with others to form healthier relationships.

3.     Society’s Standards or Yours?

• In order to be truly happy in life, first we must be satisfied with and satisfy ourselves. It’s difficult to reach that satisfaction if we devote ourselves to satisfying the goals and expectations of others instead of setting and reaching our own. Trust in your own values, morals and beliefs to guide you toward a happy, successful life, whatever that might look like to you.

4.     Because of Your Ex.

• Not everything in life will be clearly defined, black and white. Some situations require deeper consideration than others, and it helps to have a couple different processes to help you evaluate every aspect of the situation before making your decision. Whatever you decide, be confident in your decision. Not everything is reversible, but everything is fixable!

The Insight: Values and morals are the foundation of our character. In order to better understand our relationships and ourselves, we need to clearly define those values and morals. Likewise, we should orient our goals and decisions around them, and allow them to perform their function as the structure for our lives. We have nothing if not our values and morals. Stick to them and be confident in them!

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Your “ex” called you three times in the past week and you’re not sure whether or not to tell your “current.” Do you choose to be honest or choose not stir things up? You’re in a sticky situation because of your ex and you’re not sure how to handle it.

How do you make a moral decision in a challenging situation?

Consider the four most common decision making options:

1. Deontology: Regardless of circumstance, you uphold the moral standard.

2. Utilitarian: You measure the consequences of your actions prior to taking action. You base your decision on the outcome that will benefit the greatest number of people. Circumstance greatly influences the decision.

3. Casuist: You base your decision for the current dilemma on the outcome of similar situations.

4. Virtue: Your decision is made based on individual character. You consider how a virtuous person would proceed in the same or in a similar situation.

No matter what, once you’ve chosen a method to make your decision, stick with it!

The Insight: Not everything in life will be clearly defined, black and white. Some situations require deeper consideration than others and it helps to have a couple of different processes to help you evaluate every aspect of the situation before making your decision. Whatever you decide, be confident in your decision. Not everything is reversible, but everything is fixable!

Which option would you use to make a moral decision?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you meet society’s standard for success? More importantly, are you satisfied with what you’ve accomplished? You’ve heard the expression “The American Dream.” For many, the perfect picture starts with a husband or wife, two children, and ends with a two-story house and attached garage. We idolize this lifestyle because we have been taught from an early age that this is our dream. But this lifestyle does not guarantee happiness for everyone.

How can we use our values to define and shape our goals to achieve personal happiness?

Psychologist Carl Rogers, PhD suggests through his “Organismic Valuing Process” that we trust our own knowledge and experiences to decide what is valuable or not valuable to us. He further asserts that we should use those values to establish and reach our goals of self-actualization, whether or not they coincide with society’s definition of happiness. To establish these values, we must:

1. Be open to new experiences.

2. Trust the validity of our experiences.

3. Trust our own ability to judge and designate value to our experiences.

4. Realize that there is no end point to self-actualization. It is a life long process; be open to it.

The Insight: Happiness starts when we are satisfied with and satisfy ourselves. It’s difficult to reach that satisfaction if we devote ourselves to achieving the goals and expectations of others instead of setting and reaching our own. Trust in your own values, morals and beliefs to guide you toward a happy, successful life, whatever that dream looks like to you.

Have you achieved society’s dream or yours?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Everyone has his or her own opinion; we are entitled to it.  But are you the person that tends to think you are right most of the time and that everyone else is wrong?  On what ground do you base your decisions?

How do values, morals and beliefs affect our decisions?

According to Florence and Clyde Kluckhohn’s Value Orientation Method there are six common human concerns, and three general responses to each. Each response indicates the basis that affects a person’s decisions.

1. Relationship to Human Nature: People are . . .

• Good
• Bad
• A mixture of both.

2. Beliefs About Man Versus Nature: People have the need to . . .

• Work with nature
• Submit to the forces of nature
• Maintain harmony and balance with nature.

3. Perception of Time: People should make decisions based on traditions of events in the . . .

• Past
• Present
• Future

4. Nature of Human Activity: People should concentrate on . . .

• Being in the moment
• Striving to achieve goals
• Thinking and reflecting

5. Social Interaction: The physical space we occupy is . . .

• Private
• Public
• Mixture of both

6. Relationships Between People: The concern that preoccupies people is for . . .

• Self
• One’s own group defined by collateral
• One’s own group defined by hierarchy

The Insight: If you are in a relationship with someone who values his or herself first, it is difficult understand their decisions when you always think of others first. Neither person is right or wrong there is a difference in perspective. By trying to understand and respect your values or beliefs as well as others you will be able to form healthier relationships.

What is the basis of your decisions?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Has someone ever asked you to do something or to be part of an activity that made you feel uncomfortable but you didn’t understand why? Maybe the request went against your “personal values” or “moral fiber.”

What are personal values and morals?

Values: Values are ideals that we believe are important as individuals. They are subjective, and vary as a result of our culture, beliefs, and experiences.

Morals: Morals are a set of guiding principles or rules that help differentiate our behavioral choices between right and wrong or good and bad and are exhibited through our intentions, decisions, practices and actions.

Values and morals are different from one person to the next because they are the essential building blocks that shape who we are, what we choose to stand for and believe in, and influence the decisions we make. They not only give meaning to who we are but also who we want to be.

The Insight: Make a list of the values and morals that you choose to live by. It is important that the you surround yourself with people or influences that share some of your personal morals and values. When you do not, the discourse may increase stress in your life. Defining your personal values and understanding your morals allows you to increase self-awareness and improve your relationships with others.

What are your values and morals?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships