Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Trust in Relationships.”

Next week’s topic will be “Strengths of Wisdom and Knowledge.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. The Connection With Three Words

• We each say “I love you” for different reasons. The miscommunication begins when we assume the other person is or is not using those words for the same reasons we have decided to either use them or not.  Trust is a complex concept especially as it applies to romantic relationships. Take your time, let trust grow and commit to the relationship when you think you can put forth 100 percent. Only after you have committed will you be able to trust the words your partner chooses.

2. Trusting Others Comes from Within

• We perceive trust in the same manner we give trust.  A person who has difficulty trusting others may struggle with accepting trust from others. Conversely, a trusting individual may not understand mistrust from others. Be mindful of your own misconceptions regarding self-worth and other’s perceptions of you. A person’s perception of self-worth becomes his or her reality. Approach the concept of trust in relationships with an open mind and look at each situation as a new experience.

3. A Promise is a Promise

• Promises are not and should never be considered a “quick fix” to minor setbacks in relationships. The language you choose to use has meaning. It affects your credibility and reflects how much you care. Take pride in the words you use and stand by them. Your relationship becomes stronger when you both honor and respect your promises to one another.

4. Self-Control Versus Impulsivity

• Perhaps we do not consciously measure an individual’s self-control when determining whether or not they are worthy of our trust, but the self-control they exhibit certainly influences our decisions. Be mindful of someone’s outgoing impulsive nature and recognize that he or she may in fact be both trustworthy and spontaneous.

The Insight— Love and commitment, however they manifest, both require one thing to succeed: trust. Trust is fragile and strong, limiting and liberating. Be mindful of the words you use and the people you choose to trust.  We each use different methods to weigh the costs and benefits of giving out our trust. Though past experiences may shape these methods, we must always remember that each new relationship is an opportunity for a newer, better experience.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and adversity.” ~Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

We all act on impulse from time to time. Some act on impulse most of the time. Have you ever considered how those impulsive tendencies shape our perception of others?

Does our perception of a person’s self control influence how likely we are to trust that person?

Francesca Righetti, Ph.D., and Catrin Finkenauer, Ph.D., suggests that we trust people according to an individual’s level of self-control. The researchers found:

1. Individuals who exhibited high levels of self-control were perceived as being more trustworthy than individuals who exhibited low self-control.

2. People commonly measure self-control according to an individual’s reliability, accomplishment and ability to forgive.

3. People perceive and attribute the depletion of self-control and the self-control levels of strangers to their untrustworthiness.

(Read More)

The Insight – Perhaps we do not consciously measure an individual’s self-control when determining whether or not they are worthy of our trust, but the self-control they exhibit certainly influences our decisions. Be mindful of someone’s outgoing impulsive nature and recognize that he or she may in fact be both trustworthy and spontaneous.

How do you decide who is trustworthy and who is not?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” ~Muhammad Ali

“I promise” has become a loose term in everyday vocabulary. When does it really mean something?

How do promises affect our relationships and vice versa?

According to a study conducted by Johanna Peetz, Ph.D., and Lara Kammrath, Ph.D., promises affect our relationships, and vice versa, in the following ways:

1. Promises made by either partner to improve certain behaviors for the sake of the relationship increase the likelihood of relationship success.

2. Partners perceive greater motivation, responsiveness and relationship commitment in their significant others when promises are made.

3. Failure to keep a promise reflects negatively on the promise-making partner’s trustworthiness.

4. Individuals who deeply care and highly regard their partners and their relationships tend to make greater promises and project greater motivation to keep those promises out of that care and regard.

(Read More)

The Insight – Promises are not and should never be considered a “quick fix” to minor setbacks in relationships. The language you choose to use has meaning. It affects your credibility and reflects how much you care. Take pride in the words you use and stand by them. Your relationship becomes stronger when you both honor and respect your promises to one another.

Can you stand by the words you choose?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“We love because it’s the only true adventure.” ~ Nikki Giovanni

If we love, we have learned to trust implicitly.

What influences us to trust others in our relationships?

According to Sandra L. Murray, Ph.D., and her fellow researchers, the type of trust we employ affects how likely we are to trust and depend on our romantic partners or, in contrast, to maintain self-protective behaviors. Their research suggests that we use a combination of trusting styles:

1.       Impulsive Trust

• Relates to an individual’s attitude toward and perception of his or her partner when in their partner’s presence.
• Individuals high in impulsive trust are more likely to approach their partners and respond more positively to relationship concerns.

2.       Reflective Trust

• Relates to an individual’s perception of how his or her partner values him or her.
• Individuals high in reflective trust are more likely to rely on self-protective behaviors.

(Read More)

The Insight – We perceive trust in the same manner we give trust.  A person who has difficulty trusting others may struggle with accepting trust from others. Conversely, a trusting individual may not understand mistrust from others. Be mindful of your own misconceptions regarding self-worth and other’s perceptions of you. A person’s perception of self-worth becomes his or her reality. Approach the concept of trust in relationships with an open mind and look at each situation as a new experience.

Are you open to trust?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” Michael Jackson

Do you remember what prompted you to tell your partner “I love you” for the first time? If you haven’t used those words in a while do you know what factors will influence your decision to say “I love you” again?

At what point does a relationship become “serious” enough to say those three little words that mean so much?

According to researchers Joshua M. Ackerman, Ph.D., Vlada Griskevicius, Ph.D., and Norman P. Li, Ph.D., speaking and hearing the words “I love you,” and ultimately deciding to engage in a serious romantic relationship, implies different meanings for men and women according to the following factors:

1.       Timing

• Prior to becoming physically intimate, men saw fit to confess their love to their romantic partners much earlier than women did.

2.       Physical Intimacy

• Women perceived confessions of love made prior to physical intimacy less honest than those made after becoming intimate, whereas men responded more positively to confessions of love made prior to physical intimacy.

3.       Perceived Intention

• Confessions of love made prior to physical intimacy tend to receive more positive responses and incur less regret after becoming physically intimate.

(Read More)

The Insight – We each say “I love you” for different reasons. The miscommunication begins when we assume the other person is or is not using those words for the same reasons we have decided to either use them or not.  Trust is a complex concept especially as it applies to romantic relationships. Take your time, let trust grow and commit to the relationship when you think you can put forth 100 percent. Only after you have committed will you be able to trust the words your partner chooses.

Do you know when the time is right for you?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life