Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “The Person You Want to Be.”

Next week’s topic will be “The Language of Emotion.”

 Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Talk It Out

• The generalizations we use with others can make them defensive, but the ones we use with ourselves can be detrimental to our self-esteem. Look at your personal statements from a different perspective. Are they encouraging you to be the person you want to be? Steer away from pessimistic generalizations about yourself. Instead, encourage yourself to avoid the same mistakes and to push through hardships to be the person you want to be. To combat negative generalizations you can also learn your ABCDEs, a positive intervention created by Seligman.

2. There’s No Quitting.

• Nobody wants to be or think of themselves as a failure…so don’t. Falling down once doesn’t mean that you will never succeed, but giving up certainly strips you of the opportunity to succeed or improve. Remember that you are more than capable of overcoming any obstacles set before you. Take the steps to strengthen yourself and learn resilience. You never know, the difference in one more try might be the difference between failure and success!

3. A Good Communicator.

• Active constructive responses increase loyalty, commitment and love. Use them everyday and be engaged when communicating. The better we communicate the better able we are to express ourselves and be the person we want to be.

4. In Your Relationships.

• Connections are an important part of a satisfying life, especially when we face challenges and need a support system to help us overcome or bounce back. Create an action plan to build and increase connections where you feel they are lacking in your life. Decide which measures you will take and make them a daily practice. They will soon become engrained in your identity and help you foster stronger, deeper, healthier relationships.

The Insight: Being the person you want to be is no easy task. We are human and we falter. But striving to be the person we want to be is a reward in and of itself. There is no set formula, special ingredient or magic suit we can wear to become that person. We must set goals for ourselves and understand that we will falter or run into obstacles. But realize all the while that as we labor to regain our footing we learn and grow into the person we truly want to be.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario – You know you are the person you want to be, but you feel there’s a stronger connection missing from your relationships. Learning to effectively express and use the strengths in your identity may help to build that connection in your relationships.

Is there a way to build greater connections in relationships?

The Gallup Management Journal suggests that we:

1.     Evaluate Relationship Roles

• Contemplate the roles you play in various relationships. If you are a leader or mentor you have the opportunity to influence and guide the relationship and the other person to pursuing stronger connections.

2.     Meditate

• Make time in your schedule to meditate, and make sure you are connected with yourself. If you’re not in-tune with your own body, mind and spirit, you won’t be able to make meaningful connections with others.

3.     Make a List

• Create a list of the events, people, and places in your life that inspire connectedness and interject more of those moments in your life.

4.     Try New Things

• Seek and attempt new activities to facilitate connections and connectedness in your life.

5.     Acknowledge Connections

• With your family, friends or co-workers, acknowledge each person’s function in building and maintaining healthy connections. Encourage each person to continue building connections by letting them know how important their role is in the bigger picture.

6.     Support Others

• Offer a helping hand and encourage others to search for meaning and purpose in the trials they experience.

(Read More)

The Insight – Connections are an important part of a satisfying life, especially when we face challenges and need a support system to help us overcome or bounce back. Create an action plan to build and increase connections where you feel they are lacking in your life. Decide which measures you will take and make them a daily practice. They will soon become engrained in your identity and help you foster stronger, deeper, healthier relationships.

How much effort do you put into connections?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: A friend, partner, or someone very special shared some good news with you today. You want to give feedback that shows your character and engages communication, but you’re not sure about the approach. Do you respond simply by saying “congrats, well done,” or is there a better way to communicate so that the person understands you care?

How do we give supportive feedback to promote engaging communication?

Dr. Martin Seligman suggests that positive communication requires that we use Active Constructive Responding on a daily basis when communicating with those we care about.

Four ways to respond:

1. Passive constructive response

•  Congratulate the other person and givepositive affirmations.

2. Active destructive response

•  Mention the negative aspects of their accomplishment.

3. Passive destructive

•  Ignore and do not acknowledge the achievement at all.

4. Active constructive response

• Give positive affirmations and ask questions like, “can you tell me about the moment, let’s relive it together, where were you when it happened, how did you feel, how does the process work, what did they say, and what is your next step?”

The Insight: Active constructive responses increase loyalty, commitment and love. Use it everyday and be engaged when communicating. The better we communicate the better able we are to express ourselves and be the person we truly want to be.

Do you use active constructive responses without even knowing it?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You went out on a limb, took a chance, made the effort and failed miserably. Not just once, but several times. One can only try so long.

How can we bounce back from a failure or setback?

Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., offers seven steps to picking yourself up after a fall:

1.     Change Your Mindset:

• Detach yourself from the “victim” identity. Think of yourself as a conqueror and solution finder.

2.     Challenge Yourself:

• Continue to say “yes” and step outside of your comfort zone. A little discomfort in new situations will help you grow.

3.     Find a Role Model:

• Research someone who has overcome adversity and how he or she did it. Revert to that person to inspire and encourage you.

4.     Find Examples of Resilience:

• Research stories and examples of people who have bounced back from struggle and failure. Know that you are not alone.

5.     Ask for Testimonies:

• Discover the stories of triumph among your friends and family.

6.     Physically Exert Yourself:

• Fortify your mind by strengthening your body. Maintain physical fitness so that your body can be a model of strength and resilience for your mind and spirit.

7.     Learn Patience:

• Patience enables us to think things through rather than act on impulse.

What steps can you take to bounce back and be the person you want to be?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario - We all make mistakes from time to time; we’re human. Still, we can’t help but say to ourselves: “I am so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.” We also experience hardship from time to time that leaves us thinking: “That’s just the way my life is.”

Do those internal generalizations have an impact on our self-esteem?

According to psychologist and author Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the answer is yes. In his national best seller Learned Optimism, he discusses the effects of the explanatory style – words you choose to explain a bad event.

Permanence: When difficult events occur, this person assumes they are permanent and are often deflated or demotivated. It’s easier for them to give up or not take action because the situation will not change no matter the effort. They may even collapse under pressure.

• To change that perspective: Be accurate and practice a temporary point of view.

Pervasiveness: When difficult events take place in one aspect of their lives, they make universal negative statements regarding all aspects. Inaction or demotivation takes place.

• To change that perspective: Be logical and practice a specific point of view.

Personalization: When difficult events take place, this person finds general reasons to relate creation of the problem to him or herself. They may have low self-esteem as a result of demeaning self-talk.

• To change that perspective: Be confident and practice an external point of view.

The Insight – The generalizations we use with others can make them defensive, but the ones we use with ourselves can be detrimental to our self-esteem. Look at your personal statements from a different perspective. Are they encouraging you to be the person you want to be? Steer away from pessimistic generalizations about yourself. Instead, encourage yourself to avoid the same mistakes and to push through hardships to be the person you want to be.  To combat negative generalizations, you can also learn your ABCDE’s, a positive intervention created by Seligman.

Did you tell yourself something amazing today?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life