The Scenario: Do you stand in the way of your own success sometimes and you don’t know why? Or maybe you know someone who makes the same mistakes over and over again? They come to you for advice, you talk to them, it seems like they get it, but two days later they are doing the same thing.  It’s as if they know what needs to be done but are incapable of doing it.

What stands in the way of personal behavioral change?

According to James M. Olson, Ph.D., professor at the University of Western Ontario in London, there are several psychological barriers that inhibit behavior modification or change:

1. Admission of the Problem

• Minimizing or refusing to admit the problem
• Believing oneself insusceptible to the problem
• Attributing symptoms of the problem to a less severe cause
• Allowing emotions to interfere with decision-making

2. Initial Attempts to Change

• Ignorance to the problem or its severity
• Lack of confidence in one’s ability to effectively change behavior
• Negative attitudes toward change or its outcome

3. Long Term Change

• Reverting to the original negative attitude toward change
• Believing the changes are unsuccessful
• Absence of outside encouragement
• Reversion to old behavior

The Insight: It’s important to identify the barriers we create for ourselves when confronted with life challenges so that we are better equipped to recognize the obstacles and pursue the behavioral changes we need and want to make.

Are you able to face your barriers?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you stand in the way of your own success sometimes and you don’t know why? Or maybe you know someone who makes the same mistakes over and over again? They come to you for advice, you talk to them, it seems like they get it, but two days later they are doing the same thing.  It’s as if they know what needs to be done but are incapable of doing it.

What stands in the way of personal behavioral change?

According to James M. Olson, Ph.D., professor at the University of Western Ontario in London, there are several psychological barriers that inhibit behavior modification or change:

1. Admission of the Problem

• Minimizing or refusing to admit the problem
• Believing oneself insusceptible to the problem
• Attributing symptoms of the problem to a less severe cause
• Allowing emotions to interfere with decision-making

2. Initial Attempts to Change

• Ignorance to the problem or its severity
• Lack of confidence in one’s ability to effectively change behavior
• Negative attitudes toward change or its outcome

3. Long Term Change

• Reverting to the original negative attitude toward change
• Believing the changes are unsuccessful
• Absence of outside encouragement
• Reversion to old behavior

The Insight: It’s important to identify the barriers we create for ourselves when confronted with life challenges so that we are better equipped to recognize the obstacles and pursue the behavioral changes we need and want to make.

Are you able to face your barriers?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Self-Confidence.”

Next week’s topic will be “Finding Peace?”

Self-confidence begins by acknowledging your value for exactly who you are today. Put your best self forward and reflect that confidence in your image and personality, but be sure to distinguish confidence from arrogance. People naturally gravitate toward confidence, so surround yourself with other positive, confident people. You’ll immediately feel the benefits of circulating positivity among your friends.

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Build it!

• In order to build and reinforce self-confidence. you should acknowledge and develop positive attributes, celebrate achievements, embrace weakness, encourage others, and add to the list. Eliminate any self-doubt by accepting everything that makes you who are and remember that no one else’s opinion matters.

2. Like the Exterior of a Car.

• Work at the image you project. Self-confidence is exhibited by the attention to detail you display, how you treat people, present yourself, demonstrate body language and make choices. Appreciate and respect all the parts of your life that make you who you are today. You will be able to represent your best self confidently if you recognize and appreciate who that is.

3. Deceived.

• First impressions can be deceiving. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but once someone has crossed it, the behavioral change becomes obvious. True self-confidence is marked by security, humility and servitude. It sees no need to break others down in order to build itself up.

4. The Company you Keep.

• Our friends have the ability to change our attitudes and behaviors, which translates to self-confidence, whether for better or for worse. You’ve heard it before but there is scientific proof in the matter. Surround yourself with positive uplifting people, and you will likewise be positive and uplifting.

The Insight: Some of us reach a point in life where we mature and become confident earlier than others. No matter where you are on that path remember that the journey toward self-discovery is the most rewarding aspect of learning to confidently project the image that reflects who you are today.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You’ve heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together.” Is it the chicken before the egg or the egg before the chicken? Do we emulate the people we spend time with or do we choose to spend time with people who remind us of ourselves? Our behavior, whether we like it or not, is influenced by the people we associate with, and that affects our confidence levels either positively or negatively.

How is behavior affected?

Albert Bandura’s Social Cognitive Theory suggests that people learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and social interaction even when the behavior is not reinforced. The process occurs in three steps:

1. Observation

• We observe an individual within our social setting perform a certain behavior because we are paying attention to them for one reason or another.

2. Retention

• We process that behavior mentally to understand its role and value, then it is stored in our memory banks. We capture the language, gestures, associated actions and reactions to their behavior for later recall.

3. Reproduction

• We recall the behavior from our storage banks and copy the behavior when we want to.

4. Motivation

• The behaviors are repeated when motivated by reinforcements or punishments.

The Insight: Our friends have the ability to change our attitudes and behaviors, which translates to self-confidence, whether for better or for worse. You’ve heard it before but there is scientific proof in the matter. Surround yourself with positive uplifting people, and you will likewise be positive and uplifting.

What kind of company do you keep?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: We’ve all met arrogance before. He’s the handsome, smart guy at the bar that always talks about how much he owns, or the nice looking, polite woman in the office who is always gossiping about someone else’s personal business. You would be deceived, if you didn’t know them.  On the outside they seem to exude self-confidence, but their behavior screams “arrogance.”

What distinguishes self-confidence from arrogance?

1. Security vs. Insecurity

• Confidence is rooted in security, whereas arrogance takes its roots in insecurity. People with a false sense of security tend to break others down in order to build themselves up.

2. Humility vs. Pride

• Both confident and arrogant people are aware of their strengths and capabilities. But confident people are more likely to admit that there are perhaps others that are stronger and more capable, whereas arrogant people shy away from admitting weakness.

3. Servitude vs. Self-Promotion

• People who are self-confident generally seek to use their strengths to help others grow, whereas people who are arrogant use their strengths to elevate themselves.

The Insight: First impressions can be deceiving. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but once someone has crossed it the behavioral change becomes obvious. True self-confidence is marked by security, humility and servitude. It sees no need to break others down in order to build itself up.

Can you tell the difference between arrogance and confidence?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: What can you tell about a car from its exterior? The color, make, model and maybe the year is evident if you are familiar enough with the brand. The license plate tells us where the car was registered and sometimes even purchased. It might even give us a clue about what the driver likes and can afford. This concept is similar to the information people glean from the image we project.

Does the image you portray reflect your level of confidence?

Questions to Consider:Do you…

1. More readily accept negative criticism with poise and social candor?
2. Surround yourself with positive like-minded people who you admire?
3. Maintain eye contact, open body language, and clear cadence when speaking?
4. Believe your opinions are of equal value to the opinions of others?
5. Celebrate your own successes as well as others’ achievements?
6. Change your interests, image or personality to make yourself more attractive to others?

The Insight: Work at the image you project. Self-confidence exhibited by the attention to detail you display, how you treat people, present yourself, demonstrate body language and make choices. Appreciate and respect all the parts of your life that make you who you are today. You will be able to represent your best self confidently if you recognize and appreciate who that is.

What does your image say about you?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you remember playing with LEGO blocks or Lincoln Logs? Each piece didn’t have much value on its own, but when you stacked and clicked them together you could build red houses, green cities or beautiful multicolored abstract art. Every single piece added together equaled something amazing to you and no one else’s opinion mattered. Self-confidence works in the same manner.

What is self-confidence and how do we build it?

There are several definitions and concepts behind the term “self-confidence,” but for this discussion “self-confidence” is defined as valuing every aspect of your life and yourself that make you who you are today.

What are some of the ways we can build and reinforce self-confidence?

1. Make a List of Your Strengths

• Identify 20 positive attributes: skills, hobbies, physical attributes, characteristics, qualities, successes, interests, and charitable efforts.

2. Celebrate Your Achievements

• Reward, treat or celebrate yourself for every success large or small that made you who you are today and continue to do so often.

3. Acknowledge Your Weaknesses

• Identify areas of weakness and regard them as challenges to overcome. Create three action items using any resources necessary to overcome each challenge.

4. Encourage Others

• Train your brain to see the positive aspects in others and openly acknowledge their attributes. Give compliments.

5. Revisit and Add to the List

• Add to your list and affirm your positive attributes daily. Look for new qualities in yourself and others.

The Insight: In order to build and reinforce self-confidence, acknowledge and develop positive attributes, celebrate achievements, embrace weakness, encourage others, and add to the list. Eliminate any self-doubt by accepting everything that makes you who are and remember that no one else’s opinion matters.

How do you build self-confidence?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships