Thank you so much for your support and interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Resilience”.

Next week’s topic will be “Personal Goals”.

Friday Review:  Happy Reading!

I learn a lot about myself, my network of associates, friends and family when I research topics. There are two things that stood out the most for me this past week. First, I need to remember to ask someone how I can be resilient for them instead of immediately following my normal course (which is to give direction and take action). Second, I need to pay closer attention to my reactions as well as distinguish between thoughts and feelings so I better understand the direction my emotions take me.

What stood out the most for you this week?

1. Was Martin Luther King resilient?

• Resilience is the ability to adapt, be flexible, manage crisis or stressful situations, turn them into opportunities and retain strength of purpose.
• When we possess the ability to adapt, be flexible, manage crisis or stressful situations, turn them into opportunities and have strength of purpose our path is clear.

2. When was the last time?

• The characteristics of resilient people are a combination of Internal Locus of Control, strong conflict resolution and problem solving skills, tenacity, networks of supportive people, optimism, a sense of humor about life, self-awareness and knowing when to ask for help.

3. Resilience and Emotional Intelligence?

• Resilience is the ability to understand your emotions, their meanings, and the relationships between them to manage, reason, and problem-solve on the basis of your conclusions.

4. How are you resilient for someone else?

• Being resilient for others is so much easier when you ask how to be resilient for them – listen, support, share ideas, suggest options and be patient.

The Positive Insight: Resilience can be cultivated and developed if it doesn’t come naturally. That’s a positive perspective. Make a list of the resilient characteristics that you want to improve on.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

 

The Scenario: Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.  ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

You’re upset because you’re late for work today. You’re so frustrated with yourself that you forgot to lock the front door on your way out. You have to turn back. Do you control your emotions or do you let them control you?

Are you emotionally intelligent?

What is that? Emotional intelligence, according to psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, is the ability to understand your emotions, their meanings, and the relationships between them to manage, reason, and problem-solve on the basis of your conclusions. What does this have to do with resilience? Having emotional intelligence infers you are emotionally resilient.

Here are a few tips to help you increase your emotional intelligence.

Step 1: Increase Self-Awareness:

• Identify and label your emotions and those of others.
• Look for non-verbal cues and behaviors like body language and facial expressions.
• e.g. Know when you are angry but not in pain, or lonely and not just sad.

Step 2: Increase Emotion Management

• Use your emotions to serve a purpose.
• Emotion grabs our attention. Use it to act for you, not against you.
• e.g. When making a speech, use an emotional story to grab the audience’s attention.

Step 3: Increase Emotion Understanding and Meaning

• Distinguish between thoughts and feelings to better understand the direction that emotions take.
• e.g. When you become angry are you vengeful, passive aggressive, depressed or aloof?
• e.g. When you are happy do you sing, laugh, want to be around other people, paint or write?

Step 4: Increase Self-Regulation and Control:

• Increase the number of positive events in your life and make changes so they happen often.
• Avoid situations where you feel invalidated and pushed aside.
• e.g. If Ellen DeGeneres makes you laugh, record it and watch it every day.

The Insight: The next time you get frustrated or are confronted by adversity, write down the situation. Then write down the emotions and thoughts that follow. When the same event happens again you’ll know what to expect. You can manage your emotions and use them to work for you.

Do you want to improve your emotional intelligence? Start writing!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you ever wonder why you can manage or handle stress better than others? Or why you can tackle an unpredictable challenge with ease?

Which of the following characteristics do you have that allow you to be emotionally resilient?

Do you have . . .

• Internal Locus of Control: The belief that your results in life are based on your own actions gives you the choice to take control and make the necessary steps to tackle any situation.
• Strong conflict resolution and problem solving skills: Your methodology may include clarifying the issue, identifying your position, actively listening, defining needs, brainstorming solutions, agreeing on the course of action, implementing the plan, then re-evaluating the options.
• Tenacity: The ability to push forward and focus on goals in the face of adversity.
• Networks of people: Surround yourself with networks of people that are inspiring and uplifting.
• Optimism: View challenges as opportunities with a positive attitude about the results.
• Sense of humor: A sense of humor about life and its setbacks is healthy. It helps reduce stress.
• Self-awareness: Know how you feel, when you feel that way and why. Then you can take action.
• Ability to know when to ask for help: The key to accomplishing any goal is to know when it’s too big to tackle by yourself.

Maybe you have all the qualities listed above. If not you can incorporate some to increase your emotional resilience.

The Insight: Being emotionally resilient stems from a clear understanding of one’s feelings.

When was the last time you managed a challenging situation? Share your insight.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

In recognition of Dr. Kings birthday we will review aspects of “resilience” this week and postpone “goals” for next week. Enjoy! The Scenario: “Resilience” What is the real meaning of this word that we hear so often? I’ve found definitions that range from “not being affected after traumatic events” to “being able to return to the original state”. To me, we are never the same after a traumatic or stressful event. That’s what builds character and makes us who we are. We grow, improve our self-awareness and look at life with a new perspective. So, what does resilience mean? This week we will define resilience, as the ability to adapt, be flexible, manage crisis or stressful situations, turn them into opportunities and retain strength of purpose. Was Martin Luther King, Jr. resilient by our definition? Adaptability: King was inspired by the path of Howard Thurman and by Gandhi’s achievements with non-violent activism. He adopted the teachings of those he was influenced by and used non-violent resistance in support of the African-American struggle for civil rights. Flexibility: King knew when to be flexible to fulfill his mantra. He transformed his identity from civil rights activist and pastor of Dexter Avenue Baptist Church to, also, one of the founders and President of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). Managing a Crisis: In 1955, when King heard about Rosa Parks being arrested, he began what is now known as the Montgomery Bus Boycott. He managed the crisis by affecting the economy of the state, leading to the 1956 Browder v. Gayle decision. Turning Crisis Into Opportunities: King turned the arrest of Rosa Parks into a lifelong fight for equality in America. Strength of Purpose: He advocated non-violent direct action for the equality of all Americans, based on the methods of Gandhi. As we honor his day and the thank him for his belief in humanity, yes, Martin Luther King, Jr. was resilient, but he was so much more than that. The Insight: When we possess the ability to adapt, be flexible, manage crisis or stressful situations, turn them into opportunities and have strength of purpose our path is clear. How do you define resilience? By Sheba www.bySheba.com A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships