Thank you so much for your interest in “Outside the Comfort Zone.” I hope the week’s scenarios and The Insight was beneficial to you.  Check out next week’s entries when we discuss “Over Loading”

The Friday Review recaps the information and helpful suggestions we covered this week. Enjoy!

A comfort zone can be described as a stress free or anxiety-neutral state of mind in which an individual operates. That person, in their comfort zone, is exerting a standard level of effort and does not exceed the mental boundaries created for themselves.  These mental barriers give the individual an unsubstantiated sense of security and comfort.

The discomfort zone is the opposite.  That is when an individual is exceeding their mental boundaries and entering a stressful scenario that does not lead them toward a new comfort zone.  When it comes to comfort zones our goal is to always strive to expand or create new comfort zones and shy away from the discomfort zone.

When forced outside your comfort zone:

The imbalance of human homeostasis is commonly causes tension and discord in these situations. Homeostasis, in this case, refers to our ability to self regulate and remain in a zone where we are most comfortable and centered. If we rise above or fall below that comfort zone we naturally maintain our inner stability in spite of our surroundings.

To help find balance when outside your comfort zone:

• Focus on and create familiarities in your daily routines and personal environment
• Become more self-aware of what “peaceful” means to you and gravitate toward it
• Look for commonalities to connect with others
• Be comfortable with who you are and what you represent

When in the Comfort Zone:

Draw a circle on a piece of paper.  That circle represents her comfort zone.  If we draw another circle outside of that one, that then becomes the new comfort zone.  The space between the two circles represents a wall of discomfort, uncertainty, and sometimes pain.  To reach a new comfort zone we must pass through that wall and begin the “Experiment in You.”

The “Experiment in You” is a repeatable exercise that enables us to confront the feelings associated with a new comfort zone.

1. Check yourself. Is there a strong desire or willingness to get outside your comfort zone?
2. Make sure you understand “why” you want to reach the next level and that it’s for you.
3. Clearly define the goal and research how others have accomplished the same end result.
4. Be honest with yourself. List the personal barriers, fears, and insecurities on a checklist.
5. When a goal oriented opportunity presents itself, perform the opposite action to your normal response or behavior.  That’s when you are outside of your comfort zone.
6. When you’re in that uncomfortable new place, be at peace with who you are, what you represent, and what you have to offer.
7. Revisit the checklist and mark off each barrier that you overcame by doing the opposite of what you would have done.

When in the Discomfort Zone:

A discomfort zone is created in the same manner as a comfort zone. The exception is that it’s based on negative experiences, reinforced repetitive cues and collective societal pressures. A discomfort zone can be unlearned by rewarding the negative thought patterns with positive affirmations.

1. Identify the discomfort
2. Determine “why” there is discourse created with your inner balance
3. Determine the specific goal that will turn your discomfort zone into a comfort zone that serves and benefits you
4. Make a check list of the blissful emotions associated with your desired comfort zone
5. Practice saying “no” to what causes discourse to your inner balance, what does not serve or benefit your well-being, what makes you unhappy, and takes you away from your goal
6. Reward yourself with a positive affirmation each time you say “no” to the discomfort zone
7. Revisit your list and check off the positive emotions you’re experiencing in your new comfort zone

The Positive Insight:

• Seek and strive for a new comfort zone and shy away from the discomfort zone
• Ambitious individuals are not limited by comfort zones
• Use your comfort zone as a reason for change and opportunity for more successful achievements
• Be mindful that we’re a part of the comfort zones for others.   When we change or expand ours, we affect theirs
• No matter which zone you are seeking or avoiding, know what centers you and challenges your personal development
• Any comfort zone that doesn’t expand or change is stifling personal progress
• Take risks and let your ego get bruised more than a few times to reach a new comfort zone and create a positive perspective

Have a wonderful weekend and don’t forget to reach for your new comfort zone!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: She was in an emotionally damaging relationship five years. Even though that was some time ago and she’s in her early forties, she still has difficulty saying “Thank You” or responding to someone thanking her. In the past those words were uttered out of sheer frustration and sarcasm. This has created a discomfort zone surrounding any action of gratitude. She avoids those moments when possible. She was not exposed to gifts of adoration, compliments or tokens of appreciation either. Her efforts went unnoticed and unacknowledged for years.

She’s currently dating someone who cares deeply about her. He’s exposed her to the kindness she’s been missing yet she’s ill equipped to accept the pleasantries gracefully. Instead, she feels indebted, overwhelmed, stressed and unable to match his effort. The possible romantic moments are tense and uncomfortable.

What is a discomfort zone? How can she learn to seek her new comfort zone and stay away from her discomfort zone?

A discomfort zone is created in the same way as a comfort zone. The exception is that it’s based on negative experiences, reinforced repetitive cues and collective societal pressures. A discomfort zone can be unlearned by rewarding the negative thought patterns with positive affirmations.

We know her discomfort zone is provoked by the word, “Thank You”. First, she should learn to say “Thank You” and reward herself by giving her boyfriend a small kiss on the cheek when she does. Her journey begins by practicing how to say thank you every day until it rolls off her tongue effortlessly. She’ll include simple smile, nod and not a single thought other than “Thank You”. Body language and eye contact are as important. Communicating with her boyfriend about the change in behavior will clear up any misunderstood reactions if she reverts to her old behaviors.

To ease the tension she should be more self-aware of each negative reaction and take the opposite course of action. When he opens her car door, instead of saying, “Why’d you do that or I’ve got it,” she should say “Thank You” and permit him open it. When he offers to help carry the groceries, instead of saying, “No thanks, I don’t need any help,” she should say “Thank You” and consent to his assistance.

The Insight: A discomfort zone can be limiting to personal growth like a comfort zone, if not identified.  It can give some people a negative sense of  solace or force others to seek balance by avoiding it. Comfort zones allow people to become complacent when they are in that realm and anxious when it’s not available. No matter which zone you’re seeking or avoiding, when you know what centers and challenges your growth you’ll be able to foster an environment for personal development, self-awareness and inner peace. The life goals are to seek a new challenging comfort zone and shy away from the negative discomfort zone.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Being a professor has afforded her a life of academic enrichment, personal advancement and notoriety from her constituents and peers. However, her children are out of the house, she’s about to retirement and is looking for a career change. Moving outside her comfort zone after retirement seems like an illogical next step to her family and friends. She has always loved animals and wants to open a stable for orphaned children to learn the art of equestrianism. Even though it feels like the perfect time, managing a stable is outside her comfort zone and knowledge base.

Why does she want to accomplish a goal that is so far outside of her realm and incongruous with her skill set? Does the support of peers, family and friends matter when moving outside the comfort zone?

She’s intrinsically motivated and wants to challenge herself. Not settling for the retired life of leisure that her constituents have chosen and family prefers takes her on a fresh life journey. As we grow older our life experience and social prejudice reduces the scope of our comfort zone. We stay home more, visit fewer people and challenge ourselves less. We reach for a new comfort zone when a situation forces us to make an unsubstantiated decision, when we’re unsatisfied with the status quo or if we are involuntarily driven away from our comfortable place. It’s admirable that anyone would not lose sight of their childhood dreams, has ambition to remain young at heart, and dares to face new obstacles.

Her skill set and knowledge base is applicable. Any successful business begins with a plan and financial forecasting. Utilizing her resources at the University’s Department of Business to help her layout her next steps will suffice as support from peers. Although she would appreciate the emotional support it will come in time. We’re a part of the comfort zones of those closest to us. With this recent change in her life, she’s venturing outside their comfort zone for her. They’ve only seen her in the role of professor and mother, not a business woman. It will take time for them to adjust the perceptions they have of her.

The Insight: Driven individuals are not limited by comfort zones. Instead, see reasons for change and opportunities for more successful achievements. Be mindful that we are also a part of the comfort zones of those that are close to us. When we change or expand ours, we affect theirs.

You can draw a larger circle around a smaller one an infinite number of times. That’s how many times we can move or expand into a new realm of peace or comfort zone based on our needs and wants. Learning to get outside of your hassle free realm is being comfortable with the positive uncomfortable.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: She’s an Army wife and her husband has received new orders to relocate out of the country. They’ve been married for six years and it’s their first transfer. She has trepidations about all the uncomfortable aspects involved with moving outside of her comfort zone. She dreads learning a new language, maneuvering her way around an unfamiliar place, getting to know strange people and finding her identity a new environment. The pressure of preparing to move creates more stress and strain on their relationship.

What can she do to manage her anxiety about having to create a new comfort zone? Why does she still feel this stress when, as an Army wife, moving is a given?

Focusing on familiarities in her new home environment and in social settings may relieve some of the angst and nervousness. Having items with sentimental value will help create a comforting environment. For example, furniture from her grandmother, clothing she bought with her sister, pictures of old friends and any additional personal items that will make her feel at home. In addition, she’ll be in a new location but she’ll still be with her husband. It’s an adventure they can tackle together.

New relationships of any kind can be intimidating but when there are commonalities to begin with, like being an Army wife, it’s easier to connect with one another. She’ll be exposed to like-minded Army wives to share with, learn from and lean on. They’ll have similar experiences. Joining an active social group or taking classes also allow her to meet more women.

Tension is expected and common in these situations due to the imbalance of human homeostasis. Homeostasis, in this case, refers to our ability to self-regulate and remain in a zone where we are most comfortable and centered. If we rise above or fall below that comfort zone we naturally self-regulate to maintain our inner stability in spite of our surroundings. For example, she’ll naturally work hard to feel a part of her new society by learning the language, being more social and managing her home environment. It’s the same function as our body temperature self-regulating when we’re exposed to the cold. We shiver and shake until our bodies reach their natural temperature. Then, we can relax.

The Insight: There are certain aspects of life that make us comfortable – like familiarity with people, locations, thoughts and actions. When in a foreign environment with unfamiliar people, different social signals, and unknown references we are outside of our comfort zone. The first step to creating a balance that will ease awkwardness and stress begins with searching for familiarities. Start with creating your new comfort zone in your personal environments and routines. You can apply that same action to social settings by looking for commonalities. Take on the challenge of creating a new comfort zone and embrace the changes life has to offer. Creating a new comfort zone is a challenge, but pushing yourself even further outside that zone raises your bar of achievement.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: She has been asked to go out on a date with someone new at least once a week, but for the last two years she’s said no to everyone. She’s emotionally detached. Her relationship resume consist of two four-year situations that ended unpleasantly and one two -year scenario with someone she’s still close to.  Her claims are that her comfort zone, or circle of predictable people and events that limit her personal growth, make her happy, and she’s accepted her hopeless outlook about the prospects of meeting someone new.  In reality, she wants to get outside her comfort zone and break the monotony but is afraid of what waits on the other side.

How can she get outside of the comfort zone that she thinks protects her?   Does she have to make changes to her outlook on life to meet someone new?

Draw a circle on a piece of paper.  That circle represents her comfort zone.  If we draw another circle outside of that one, that then becomes the new comfort zone.  The space between the two circles represents a wall of discomfort, uncertainty, and sometimes pain.  For her to reach her new comfort zone she must pass through that wall and begin the “Experiment in You.”

The “Experiment in You” is a repeatable exercise that enables us to face the feelings associated with a new comfort zone.

1.      Check yourself. Is there a strong desire or willingness to get outside your comfort zone?

2.      Make sure you understand “why” you want to reach the next level and that it’s for you.

3.      Clearly define the goal and research how others have accomplished the same end result.

4.      Be honest with yourself. List the personal barriers, fears, and insecurities on a checklist.

5.      When a goal oriented opportunity presents itself, perform the opposite action to your normal response or behavior.  This is when you will be outside of your comfort zone.

6.      When you’re in that uncomfortable new place, be at peace with who you are, what you represent, and what you have to offer.

7.      Revisit the checklist and mark off each barrier that you overcame by doing the opposite of what you would have done.

By going through the above process and accepting to go on a date, she’ll be able to confront and face her limitations. When she repeats the Experiment in You, say, “yes”, and finally goes on a date, she may be able to face what limits her. It doesn’t mean that the person she goes out with will be “the one” it’s the first step in bringing her closer to her goal and getting outside of her comfort zone.

The comfort zone she thinks protects her is stifling her growth like that of a dying flower. If she is not growing personally, her optimism and excitement withers away.  Her negative outlook is blocking any chance of seeing the possibilities that might be right in front of her.

The Insight: It’s difficult to not get stuck in a comfort zone that you think you is protecting you. The reality is any comfort zone that doesn’t expand or change is stifling your personal progress. The perspective we develop from personal experience molds our judgments and decisions for the future. Try to maintain optimism and an uplifting perspective on life.  It’s important to be spontaneous and fill each the day with an unpredictable response that moves you outside your comfort zone.  New relationships are not supposed to be cozy like an old blanket.  They are awkward, nerve-racking and exciting. We have to take risks and let our egos get bruised more than a few times in order advance and expand our comfort zone.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships