Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Manipulation.”

Next week’s topic will be “Defense Mechanisms.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading

1. Let’s be Clear

• To make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being manipulated and set up for failure, don’t put the onus on the other person. They may manipulate others intentionally or unintentional miscommunications may occur. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take charge of the situation. Ask questions, make sure you understand the intended message, document it if needed and reiterate the information for clarity. Look for specifics, facts, accuracy, context, completion, and separate emotion from the information.

2. And Negative Conditioning

• Yes, you can be conditioned to have a negative outlook but you can also be conditioned or manipulated to have a positive outlook. Each of us comes with a moral compass that allows us to make sound decisions. Your first step toward training your brain to be more positive is to document five things a day that you like. You are on your way to manipulating yourself into having a positive outlook.

3. How do you Respond?

• Trust your inner voice and in the idea that people can change. If you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you, communicate your concerns openly and sincerely. Remember that you may be raising the bar for that individual to be a better person. Be cognizant of their response. The situation may happen again because change in behavior does not happen overnight. Give them time and room to grow but know your limits.

4. What’s the Goal?

• The goal of manipulation is behavioral change. If you are the receiver of any form of manipulation, “pushback” or call attention to the behavior. Be aware that there will be a reaction. When in a safe environment stand your ground and ask clarifying questions with the goal of fostering genuine connection and communication.

The Insight: To recognize manipulation, pay attention to the message and familiarize yourself with manipulative behaviors. Ask clarifying questions, use tactics to call attention to the situation and trust your inner voice to protect against manipulation.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you know someone who always makes matters seem worse than they really are then after you panic they tell you it’s not so bad? Have you ever been ostracized from a group for being different?

How can manipulation compel us to take certain actions?

Research conducted by professors Robert B. Cialdini, Ph. D., and Noah J. Anderson, Ph. D., of Arizona State University, suggests that certain manipulative tactics tend to encourage compliance and behavioral change.

1. Fear-then-Relief

• Presenting information in a manner that creates anxiety, disguising it as something undesirable, then creating relief by exposing the information for what it really is

2. Disrupt-then-Reframe

• Representing a set of information in one manner, then interrupting the sequence with a new representation of the same information, and ending with an affirmation of the advantage it offers

3. Authority and Obedience

• Perception that one will be rewarded for complying with the opinions and beliefs of authority figures

4. Social Norms

• Perception that one will be rewarded with social acceptance for following social norms

Some theories suggest that the desire to be accepted is innate to Homo sapiens. Early humans would be banished and exposed to fatal harm if they did not conform to cultural norms of their subgroup. Therefore, ostracizing an individual may cause extreme stress and result in conformity, against their personal values.

The Insight: The goal of manipulation is behavioral change. If you are the receiver of any form of manipulation, “pushback” or call attention to the behavior. Be aware that there will be a reaction. When in a safe environment stand your ground and ask clarifying questions with the goal of fostering genuine connection and communication.

Do you create a positive outcome when in a manipulative situation?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Have you shared a secret about your past or exposed a vulnerability to someone and then had that same information used to judge you, put you down or embarrass you? When you confronted them, they acted like they had no idea how you would feel and sincerely apologized. However, the damage was done and now you don’t feel like you could ever trust them again.

How can you recognize and manage manipulation?

According to Dr. George K. Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, the best way to strengthen and defend yourself against manipulation is by being familiar with the characteristic behaviors of manipulators.  They include:

1. Denial and admittance of wrong doing
2. Playing dumb and not giving any attention to a distraction from the goal
3. Rationalizing and make excuses to justify manipulative actions
4. Distraction or diversion from manipulative behavior
5. Deceit or subtle lies
6. Implicit or indirect threats
7. Guilt tripping to create doubt
8. Demoralizing to increase self-doubt and fear
9. Playing the victim of circumstance to gain sympathy
10. Making the victim the villain
11. Subtle sarcasm to increase self-doubt
12. Flattery to the other to lower their defenses
13. Displacing blame from self to others or a scapegoat
14. Minimizing manipulative behavior

The individual behaviors are not harmful, but when repeatedly combined with others they are perceived as manipulative behavior.

The Insight: Trust your inner voice and in the idea that people can change. If you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you, communicate your concerns openly and sincerely. Remember that you may be raising the bar for that individual to be a better person. Be cognizant of their response. The situation may happen again because change in behavior does not happen overnight. Give them time and room to grow but know your limits.

How do you respond to manipulation?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You are close to someone that is very negative. You spend a lot of time with that person trying to get them to be more open and alter their perspectives, but over time you’ve noticed changes in your own behavior. The negative aspects of life, work, and your other relationships are glaring. You never noticed them before and now you’re a little depressed about it.

Can you be psychologically manipulated to have a negative outlook?

Operant conditioning is defined as being encouraged to act a certain way through reinforcement and can be used as a form of manipulation for behavioral change.

• If a conversation is constantly directed toward the negatives in people or situations and is reinforced by dialogue and attention then you will naturally continue to search for more negative aspects of life to converse about.

• Conversely, if you only engage in discussing positive aspects of people and situations and ignore or dismiss the negative, overtime the conversation will increasingly become more positive.

The Insight: Yes, you can be conditioned to have a negative outlook but you can also be conditioned or manipulated to have a positive outlook. Each of us comes with a moral compass that allows us to make sound decisions. Your first step toward training your brain to be more positive is to document five things a day that you like. You are on your way to manipulating yourself into having a positive outlook.

Have you been psychologically manipulated and want to change? Start with this Insight!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you know someone who blames other people for their own inadequacies or has the ability to make others feel inadequate? They give people only part of the information or intended message, expect people to guess the rest, and then blame them for not being able to “mind read” or meet their expectations. That person is constantly disappointed or discontent.

Are they being manipulative?

The Information Manipulation Theory, developed by Dr. Steven A. McCornack of Michigan State University, argues that at least one out of the four following conversational maxims must be intentionally broken for one person to deceive, persuade, or manipulate another person.

1. Quality

• The intended message must be accurate, unaltered and clear

2. Quantity

• The intended message must be complete, given in its entirety from start to finish and concise

3. Relation

• The message must be relevant to the topic it’s applied to or discussed at a pertinent moment to promote retention by the receiver

4. Manner

• The information being shared is presented clearly and accompanied with corresponding body language so that the message is understood

The Insight: To make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being manipulated and set up for failure, don’t put the onus on the other person. They may manipulate others intentionally or unintentional miscommunications may occur. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take charge of the situation. Ask questions, make sure you understand the intended message, document it if needed and reiterate the information for clarity. Look for specifics, facts, accuracy, context, completion, and separate emotion from the information.

Do you take charge and ask the questions?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Manipulation.”

Next week’s topic will be “Defense Mechanisms.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading

1. Let’s be Clear

• To make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being manipulated and set up for failure, don’t put the onus on the other person. They may manipulate others intentionally or unintentional miscommunications may occur. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take charge of the situation. Ask questions, make sure you understand the intended message, document it if needed and reiterate the information for clarity. Look for specifics, facts, accuracy, context, completion, and separate emotion from the information.

2. And Negative Conditioning

• Yes, you can be conditioned to have a negative outlook but you can also be conditioned or manipulated to have a positive outlook. Each of us comes with a moral compass that allows us to make sound decisions. Your first step toward training your brain to be more positive is to document five things a day that you like. You are on your way to manipulating yourself into having a positive outlook.

3. How do you Respond?

• Trust your inner voice and in the idea that people can change. If you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you, communicate your concerns openly and sincerely. Remember that you may be raising the bar for that individual to be a better person. Be cognizant of their response. The situation may happen again because change in behavior does not happen overnight. Give them time and room to grow but know your limits.

4. What’s the Goal?

• The goal of manipulation is behavioral change. If you are the receiver of any form of manipulation, “pushback” or call attention to the behavior. Be aware that there will be a reaction. When in a safe environment stand your ground and ask clarifying questions with the goal of fostering genuine connection and communication.

The Insight: To recognize manipulation, pay attention to the message and familiarize yourself with manipulative behaviors. Ask clarifying questions, use tactics to call attention to the situation and trust your inner voice to protect against manipulation.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you know someone who always makes matters seem worse than they really are then after you panic they tell you it’s not so bad? Have you ever been ostracized from a group for being different?

How can manipulation compel us to take certain actions?

Research conducted by professors Robert B. Cialdini, Ph. D., and Noah J. Anderson, Ph. D., of Arizona State University, suggests that certain manipulative tactics tend to encourage compliance and behavioral change.

1.     Fear-then-Relief

• Presenting information in a manner that creates anxiety, disguising it as something undesirable, then creating relief by exposing the information for what it really is

2.     Disrupt-then-Reframe

• Representing a set of information in one manner, then interrupting the sequence with a new representation of the same information, and ending with an affirmation of the advantage it offers

3.     Authority and Obedience

• Perception that one will be rewarded for complying with the opinions and beliefs of authority figures

4.     Social Norms

• Perception that one will be rewarded with social acceptance for following social norms

Some theories suggest that the desire to be accepted is innate to Homo sapiens. Early humans would be banished and exposed to fatal harm if they did not conform to cultural norms of their subgroup. Therefore, ostracizing an individual may cause extreme stress and result in conformity, against their personal values.

The Insight: The goal of manipulation is behavioral change. If you are the receiver of any form of manipulation, “pushback” or call attention to the behavior. Be aware that there will be a reaction. When in a safe environment stand your ground and ask clarifying questions with the goal of fostering genuine connection and communication.

Do you create a positive outcome when in a manipulative situation?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Have you shared a secret about your past or exposed a vulnerability to someone and then had that same information used to judge you, put you down or embarrass you? When you confronted them, they acted like they had no idea how you would feel and sincerely apologized. However, the damage was done and now you don’t feel like you could ever trust them again.

How can you recognize and manage manipulation?

According to Dr. George K. Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, the best way to strengthen and defend yourself against manipulation is by being familiar with the characteristic behaviors of manipulators.  They include:

1. Denial and admittance of wrong doing
2. Playing dumb and not giving any attention to a distraction from the goal
3. Rationalizing and make excuses to justify manipulative actions
4. Distraction or diversion from manipulative behavior
5. Deceit or subtle lies
6. Implicit or indirect threats
7. Guilt tripping to create doubt
8. Demoralizing to increase self-doubt and fear
9. Playing the victim of circumstance to gain sympathy
10. Making the victim the villain
11. Subtle sarcasm to increase self-doubt
12. Flattery to the other to lower their defenses
13. Displacing blame from self to others or a scapegoat
14. Minimizing manipulative behavior

The individual behaviors are not harmful, but when repeatedly combined with others they are perceived as manipulative behavior.

The Insight: Trust your inner voice and in the idea that people can change. If you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you, communicate your concerns openly and sincerely. Remember that you may be raising the bar for that individual to be a better person. Be cognizant of their response. The situation may happen again because change in behavior does not happen overnight. Give them time and room to grow but know your limits.

How do you respond to manipulation?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You are close to someone that is very negative. You spend a lot of time with that person trying to get them to be more open and alter their perspectives, but over time you’ve noticed changes in your own behavior. The negative aspects of life, work, and your other relationships are glaring. You never noticed them before and now you’re a little depressed about it.

Can you be psychologically manipulated to have a negative outlook?

Operant conditioning is defined as being encouraged to act a certain way through reinforcement and can be used as a form of manipulation for behavioral change.

• If a conversation is constantly directed toward the negatives in people or situations and is reinforced by dialogue and attention then you will naturally continue to search for more negative aspects of life to converse about.

• Conversely, if you only engage in discussing positive aspects of people and situations and ignore or dismiss the negative, overtime the conversation will increasingly become more positive.

The Insight: Yes, you can be conditioned to have a negative outlook but you can also be conditioned or manipulated to have a positive outlook. Each of us comes with a moral compass that allows us to make sound decisions. Your first step toward training your brain to be more positive is to document five things a day that you like. You are on your way to manipulating yourself into having a positive outlook.

Have you been psychologically manipulated and want to change? Start with this Insight!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you know someone who blames other people for their own inadequacies or has the ability to make others feel inadequate? They give people only part of the information or intended message, expect people to guess the rest, and then blame them for not being able to “mind read” or meet their expectations. That person is constantly disappointed or discontent.

Are they being manipulative?

The Information Manipulation Theory, developed by Dr. Steven A. McCornack of Michigan State University, argues that at least one out of the four following conversational maxims must be intentionally broken for one person to deceive, persuade, or manipulate another person.

1.     Quality

• The intended message must be accurate, unaltered and clear

2.     Quantity

• The intended message must be complete, given in its entirety from start to finish and concise

3.     Relation

• The message must be relevant to the topic it’s applied to or discussed at a pertinent moment to promote retention by the receiver

4.     Manner

• The information being shared is presented clearly and accompanied with corresponding body language so that the message is understood

The Insight:  To make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being manipulated and set up for failure, don’t put the onus on the other person. They may manipulate others intentionally or unintentional miscommunications may occur. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take charge of the situation. Ask questions, make sure you understand the intended message, document it if needed and reiterate the information for clarity. Look for specifics, facts, accuracy, context, completion, and separate emotion from the information.

Do you take charge and ask the questions?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships