The Scenario: She is single and has been taking care of her sick mother for many years. Her mother has cancer and is in and out of hospitals. The medical bills are mounting and she can’t keep up. The long-term stress of worrying about her mother and the finances has created physical complications. Her body is producing extra stress hormones and has weakened her immune system leaving her sickly and worn out.

What can she do to combat her stress when the situation is so overwhelming?

If she is physically doing all she can than she cannot stress about what she cannot control. When we stress our bodies activate the nervous system, we produce more adrenaline, cortisol is released, and the heart rate escalates. The stress response reaction, over the long-term, is harmful to our health and is the number one contributor to death in the United States. She can only control her mental and physical well-being.

Using some of the theories of Positive Psychology to combat her stress will help. Experts attribute life fulfillment, emotional resilience, and a healthy life style to a positive emotional state of being. Follow the summarized ideals I have listed below and take action to combat stress.

• Keep an ongoing daily journal of the things in life that you’re grateful for and revisit it often
• Be optimistic about the possible opportunities during challenging times
• Find a positive fulfilling activity or engaging hobby that takes your mind away from your stress
• Be in the moment and present in the immediate situations without the desire to amend it
• Develop your inner being with spiritual practices like prayer or meditation to stimulate inspiration

The Insight: Sometimes issues seem too large to manage, and they are. Step back from the situation to realize what you can control or manage and what is out of your hands. If you’re doing everything possible, then it’s time to think positively about your future. Know when to ask others for help. Take time to be grateful, optimistic, engaged, mindful, and spiritual in your daily life. Include someone you love and help him or her to do the same. Stress creates more stress but so rise above it. You already have tools to do so.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: She has recently become the breadwinner of her family.  Her husband was laid off eight months ago. They didn’t expect him to be unemployed for more than six months, but he has still not found a job and doesn’t have any prospects. He feels pressured because she’s working overtime to make up for the lost income. She’s lost the energy and enthusiasm for the holidays. The tension is high, they don’t sleep at night, and they barely talk to one another.

What can they do to relieve the tension? How can they begin to manage the financial stress?

The holidays are already a time when the anxiety is high. Add the looming concern of unemployment together with celebration responsibilities and the stress is understandable. However, this is the time to support one another. It’s beneficial for the relationship to put aside their feelings of inadequacy or anxiety and quickly take control of their situation before is further escalates.

To alleviate tension, communicate with one another better, and tackle the issues they should give the same amount of care and attention to detail to their home life, that they do at work. Start with the mission; to take control of the financial and relationship stress together. The strategic plan to work toward that mission begins with list of holiday action items to be managed. Accept role ambiguity for the time being and realize that this current situation is just a phase. Instill a willingness to go above and beyond the normal call of duty to accomplish the mission.

Delegate each item on the action plan based on time allotted and not typical gender roles. It ensures that communication is clear and expectations are met. Implement a concise budget that includes him being unemployed for another six to eight months. Reorganize the spending habits to accommodate the current budget and realize that this is just a phase. Meet once a week to review progress. Establish a welcoming home environment that includes music and refreshing natural fragrances. Don’t spend money on expensive candles; boiling citrus fruits will accomplish the same goal. When they tackle life goals together it increases communication and relieves the stress. Don’t forget to take time to appreciate each other.

The Insight: Relationships require the same amount of work as our careers. Therefore, they can create the same amount of stress and tension as our careers or lack of career.  It’s not intuitive to do so, but approaching life issues in the same way we do at work may uncover the simplicity of the problem.  At work, we have a collective goal to accomplish.  We should have the same at home with all aspects of life. Agree to concentrate on the mission.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: It’s Christmas time and managing the financial stress seems to be impossible for a couple living in the suburbs. They are both on fixed incomes, pay the minimum amount on their credits cards, and have completely opposite financial priorities. He wants to save every penny and have a very modest Christmas at home again. She wants to celebrate the holiday and splurge for once. She feels like she is lacking the element of surprise, which to her, is the joy of Christmas. This discussion escalates to a full-blown argument every time they talk about Christmas expectations and finances.

What can they do to reach an agreement about the financial priorities during this time of year? How can they begin to mage their financial stress?

They both agree that it is the lack of financial freedom causes them to constantly be frustrated.  Every dollar they make is already allocated before it’s in the bank. The have to agree one goal for Christmas. It should be to start the New Year in control of the financial situation and create financial freedom for the material pleasures. If they both focus on that one goal and envision their financial success, the rewards of the guilt free purchase power will come later.

If they open their minds and get creative, modest Christmas with an element of surprise is not difficult. One option is a Closet Gift Exchange. The have to promise to act surprised when they receive articles of clothing they have seen and worn before. The subconscious mind will not know the difference and they will experience the physiological aspects of surprise. They choose a theme, then each of them selects a Christmas day ensemble for the other to wear that falls in line with that theme. It gets wrapped and put under the tree to be opened Christmas morning.  They each have to wear whatever the other person chose and anyone’s closet can be used. Rise to the occasion and enjoy a fun way to spend a modest Christmas together!  Be creative.

These few steps below will help to manage the financial stress during the holiday season and throughout the year.

1.     Plan ahead and don’t wait until the last-minute to spend.

2.     Review the monthly statements together.

3.     Communicate your financial limitations and boundaries to family and close friends so you are not tempted to splurge and exceed your budget.

4.     Build in milestone rewards each month. (Be creative)

5.     Create a list of social activities that do not require spending money.  Plan these activities with a group of friends or yourselves. (Charity work, group exercise, family game nights, open forum night, talent night, take part in community activities)  It’s important to be around positive people when stressed.

6.     Focus on your goal!

The Insight: Managing financial stress is simple when you focus on a goal.  If financial freedom is what you want then set parameters and work toward accomplishing that success. Be and mindful of your path.  Create a common goal and work together to  achieve it. We all have different definitions of what the holiday season means to us. Convince your subconscious mind that you are surprised. That is enough to create the physiological responses that equal excitement. Get to the root of your disconcerting feelings and fight back. If you dig a little deeper you’ll find that you are not always preoccupied with the obvious. We have a tendency to blame what we don’t have for our own lack of creativity. Be inspired by the challenge and look for other the opportunities create the situation or feelings you desire!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships