Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Leadership Roles in Relationships.”

Next week’s topic will be “Compromise and Sacrifice.”

There are many opportunities and examples of leadership roles in our personal relationships. I enjoyed understanding the positive aspects of why we change so much in relationships and the later affects of forming attachments during childhood.

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Define Them!

• Know what your expectations are and make no assumptions that your partner’s are the same. In a relationship, you and your partner, or friend, are working toward a common goal: a healthy, functional, mutually beneficial partnership. Clearly define the mutually accepted roles and expectations to alleviate role ambiguity. It will foster a path for growth and awareness.

2. Learn to Let Go.

• In this age of technology we are taught to believe that we can accomplish interpersonal relationships similar to the way we manage the leadership roles of our complex daily lives; create the list and check “done.” But that is not always so. The checklist is only a small part of the game and we can’t always be the leader. Sometimes it’s best to simply enjoy life for what it has to offer and follow its path.

3. As Parents, Adults, and Partners.

• Attachment is an individual’s perspective about his or her future based on childhood experiences. Healthy attachments occur when there is a balance between dependence and independence. As a parent, you are the leader of a child’s life, responsible for creating an environment that has lifelong implications. As an adult, you are the leader of your life understanding that you can change your perspective about your own future. As a partner, you are a compassionate leader working to understand the attachment your partner has for you.

4. What Makes us Change?

• When we change our behavior because we are in a relationship with someone, yes, we may be the follower and they the leader, but it also could be that we are inspired, encouraged, motivated, optimistic, challenged, given a sense of purpose, supported and respected. In the right relationship, being a leader or a follower is aligned with your personal goals.

The Insight: Leadership roles in relationships are complex. Both partners are responsible for defining them to benefit the relationship and learning to let go of them when the time comes. It’s equally important to understand that each role has a direct effect on the relationship and that when aligned with personal values a healthy union between partners is nourished.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Your friend has changed. He or she has been running at 5:00 am, eating healthier, going to concerts, plays, wine tastings and charity events. Yep. It’s a new relationship. He or she has been seeing someone new for four months. Although you are disappointed at the lack of time you get to spend together you have noticed your friend’s positive changes in behavior.

Why do people change when they are in a relationship?

James MacGregor Burns’ Transformational Theory offers one explanation. This type of change in a person’s behavior takes place when a leader and follower in a relationship raise each other’s level of motivation, morality, human conduct and ethical aspirations.

There are four types of Transformational Leadership:

1. Individualized Concentration: The follower is intrinsically motivated. The leader or mentor provides empathy and support by listening, cultivating open communication, challenging the follower and celebrating contributions.
2. Intellectual Stimulation: The leader promotes and nurtures creativity and individual thought with the belief that unexpected situations create opportunities for new discoveries.
3. Inspirational Motivation: The leader provides his or her followers with an inspiring vision of the future, creates a sense of purpose and encourages higher personal standards.
4. Idealized Influence: The leader is a role model with high moral standards. He or she obtains the respect and trust of the follower or inspired.

Your friend changed because he or she wanted to.

The Insight: When we change our behavior because we are in a relationship with someone, yes, we may be the follower and they  the leader, but we could also could be inspired, encouraged, motivated, optimistic, challenged, given a sense of purpose, supported and respected. In the right relationship, being a leader or a follower is aligned with your personal goals.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Do you have friends that develop attachments to strangers quickly? You know, the ones that hop in and out of relationships at the drop of a hat. They’re completely devastated and heart-broken every other weekend, but come Wednesday morning they’ve found the love of their life … again. Why is that?

Why do some people become attached to others so quickly?

According to Dr. Phillip R. Shaver, the way we formulate attachments and relationships as adults is a direct reflection of the attachment we experienced throughout our childhood.

1. Secure attachment: A trusting relationship between child and caregiver was created because all childhood needs were satisfied. Secure attachments during childhood result in trust and assurance that needs will be satisfied during adulthood.
2. Avoidant attachment: Needs were not met but rejected during childhood and result in suppressed needs in the future. Adults who experience avoidant attachment as children do not depend on others and generally avoid intimacy in their adult relationships.
3. Anxious/Ambivalent attachment: Needs were met with inconsistency causing uncertainty and anxiety for the satisfaction of future needs. Individuals who experienced anxious ambivalent attachment during childhood will likely be fearful that their efforts and the intimacy they offer in a relationship will not be matched.

The Insight: As a parent, you are the leader of a child’s life, responsible for creating an environment that has lifelong implications. As an adult, you are the leader of your life understanding that you can change your perspective about the future. As a partner, you are a compassionate leader working to understand the attachment your partner has for you. Recognize your role, put forth your best self and be a role model for others.

What are your leadership roles?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: The subscriptions to Match.com and eHarmony have finally paid off you have a date tonight. The detailed checklist you created lists everything you want in a partner, right down to his or her level of education and personal hobbies. But when you combine technology with your natural leadership skills, you’ve forgotten the basics about attraction.

Will you recognize your potential partner if you are too busy comparing him or her to a list?

Things to Remember:

1. The physiological changes in your body that take place at the mere sight of him or her
2. The goose bumps that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up when he or she says your name
3. The connection you feel by simply being together

Even as a natural born leader you can’t anticipate, control or list that on any database. The Insight: In this age of technology we are taught to believe that we can manage our interpersonal relationships similar to the way we manage the leadership roles of our complex daily lives; create the list and check “done.” But that is not always so. The checklist is only a small part of envisioning success and we can’t always be the leader. Sometimes it’s best to enjoy life for what it has to offer, let your inner peace lead your quests, and learn to let go.

Can you let go of your leadership role in relationships?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Leadership.”

Next week’s topic will be “Value and Morals.”

This week, I learned more about my own personal leadership style and how important it is to communicate my expectations when in that role. I will be more mindful, in the future, to ensure that it is appropriate for the situation at hand. I always need life reminders;)

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Respect is a Must Have.

• In order to cultivate active and willing followers, you must give them a reason to follow. Keep in mind credibility is important when establishing trust in a relationship. People are more likely to work with you when working toward a common goal.

2. Taking a Backseat.

• Taking a break from a constant leadership role can benefit you as a leader by relieving stress and giving you time to rejuvenate. When you are open and receptive to a change in leadership roles, you send a message that says you are confident in your own ability to support and encourage the advancement of others. You create a healthy dynamic in your relationship or team by generating a desire for mutual success.

3. Define the Qualities

• Sometimes we recognize the confidence and leadership qualities in ourselves. Other times we don’t realize we are leaders until others bring it to our attention. Either way, when others identify leadership qualities in you, don’t ask why and shy away from the responsibilities associated with being a leader. Embrace the role, create goals, and then lead you and your team to success, because you will succeed.

4.      A Personal Style.

• Identify your personal leadership style. It will help you better understand your role in situations and allow you to communicate your expectations clearly. Once your expectations are understood you become a more effective leader.

The Insight: Once you discover your leadership qualities, you can begin to nurture them to become a stronger leader. Be aware of the various leadership styles, specifically your own, to readily apply the appropriate strategy to the given situation. When the opportunity presents itself, step down from your leadership position and receive the benefits of allowing someone else to fill that role. Enjoy your journey.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You get dressed in the morning and only wear a certain brand of socks or perfume. Maybe you never wear belts or always tuck in your shirt. Whatever you do there are things you identify as part of your personal style. The same applies to leadership. Whether you are the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation or a volunteer crossing guard for the local elementary school, there are several different leadership styles. Most likely one fits you.

What is your leadership style?

1. Participative Leader:

• A leader who involves his or her team in the decision making process.

2. Transactional Leader:

• Someone who creates clear expectations and motivates achievement and success through rewards and punishment.

3. Transformational Leader:

• A person who inspires and motivates others to succeed through energy and enthusiasm.

4. The Quiet Leader:

• A person who may not have been designated as a leader, but whose actions distinguish him or her as a leader among peers.

5. The Servant Leader:

• Someone whose purpose is not self-promotion, but instead works to facilitate growth and achievement in others.

The Insight: Identify your personal leadership style. It will help you better understand your role in situations and allow you to communicate your expectations clearly. Once your expectations are understood you become a more effective leader.

Do you know your leadership style?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Are you that person with the natural ability to adapt to any situation and quickly find your role? Do people often come to you for your help or advice on all sorts of subjects? Have you asked yourself why?

What attributes do you possess that define you as a leader?

According to research conducted by Morgan McCall PhD and author Michael Lombardo, there are four characteristics specific to a leader:

1. Maintain calm and provide structure:

• Works well under stress, able to stabilize a team to overcome obstacles

2. Take responsibility for mistakes:

• Forthcoming about errors or faults

3. Excellent communication skills:

• Effectively communicates with the team to reach a common goal

4. Expansive Knowledge:

• Well-versed in a variety of subjects to accommodate various needs of a team.

The Insight: Sometimes we recognize the confidence and leadership qualities in ourselves. Other times we don’t realize we are leaders until others bring it to our attention. Either way, when leadership qualities are identified in you, don’t ask why and shy away from the responsibilities associated with being a leader. Embrace the role, create goals, and then lead you and your team to success, because you will succeed.

How do you define the qualities of a leader?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You’ve planned a road trip, been driving all day and are exhausted. You ask someone else to drive so you can take a backseat and recuperate. But what if you weren’t tired? Would you feel the need to keep pushing and be in charge of your trip or would you let someone else do your job?

As a leader, do you know when to take a backseat?

1. Think Opportunity!

• Take the opportunity to learn new information, observe other’s leadership styles, and gain the perspective of a partner, teammate, or follower. Give them the opportunity to grow as a leader.

2. Share the load!

• Being in charge all the time is stressful. Take advantage of the opportunity to follow, enjoy the lighter workload from the support of another leader, and give positive feedback

3. Use the time!

• Use this time wisely. When directly involved with creating the strategy, implementing the plan, and managing the progress, there is not much time for creativity. Use this time to brainstorm innovative ways to accomplish your goals more efficiently and effectively.

The Insight: Taking a break from a constant leadership role can benefit you as a leader by relieving stress and giving you time to rejuvenate. When you are open and receptive to a change in leadership roles, you send a message that says you have the confidence in your own ability to support and encourage the advancement of others. You create a healthy dynamic in your relationship or team by generating a desire for mutual success.

Can you take a backseat when the time comes?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: You’ve just been appointed the leader of a long-term project within your company. You’re feeling optimistic about the opportunity, but a little anxious about the general response from your team, and how that response might affect overall success. In the words of Aretha Franklin, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T – find out what it means to me.”

How do you encourage others to follow your lead?

You must have respect, respect, and respect.

1. Respect for the leader:

• The universal principle of trust suggests that if you are trustworthy, others will respect you and confide in you. They will likely seek direction from you and follow your advice.

2. Respect for the cause:

• Logically, if your cause is rational, worthwhile, and tends toward success, others will likely support it.

3. Respect for the vision:

• If the vision of the bigger picture is clear, aligned with personal professional goals of the team, and feedback is provided through the journey, people tend to be motivated by the vision and work to accomplish the objectives.

The Insight: In order to cultivate active and willing followers, you must give them a reason to follow. Keep in mind the importance of credibility when establishing trust in a relationship. People are more likely to work with you when working toward a common goal.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships