Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Influences on Relationships.”

Next week’s topic will be “Trust in Relationships.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. What You Really See.

• We limit ourselves and our potential to form great relationships when we judge people based on their appearances and on their relationships with others. We are all multifaceted individuals and should maintain relationships that serve different aspects of our personalities. Being open to receive what life has to offer by way of new relationships stems from one’s ability to choose a nonjudgmental path in life.

2. Happy Valentine’s Day!

• Love is not strictly for people in relationships. Yes, Valentine’s Day gives us a good reason to celebrate and dote on loved ones and close friends, but why not use it as an excuse to dote on yourself? Enjoy the holiday in a manner that serves you. Remind your friends and your loved ones how much you value the relationships you have with them, but also take the time to remind yourself of your own worth.

3. What Makes it Last?

• Positivity, encouragement and humor are just a few of the key ingredients in a successful relationship. Think about the reasons you use the word “Love” when you are talking to your partner and what it really means to you. Research suggests that one indicator of love is truly giving of yourself for the betterment of someone else.  That is just one aspect of a lasting relationship.

4. Resolution.

• If you are in a relationship, make sure the other person knows you are committed. If there is disagreement, focus on the issue and not the emotions evoked by the problem. Be honest with your partner and, more importantly, with yourself when weighing both sides of the problem. Accept blame, admit fault and humbly apologize when necessary. Prioritize relationship resolutions and goals. The people you love the most are far more important than the little habits we all have that may frustrate them.

The Insight— Love is no more or less for one person than it is for any other, nor is it applicable strictly in romantic relationships. Every relationship we begin or continue to do develop is meaningful. We must commit ourselves to valuing and respecting the people with whom we share these relationships as well as the relationships themselves. Don’t limit yourself to surface level relationships. Go beyond appearance and first impressions to discover relationships where you never imagined you’d find one. We can do these things in new, fun, and exciting ways. Enjoy yourself and your relationships!

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

In a perfect world, no one would ever fight or argue. We’d all get along all the time. In reality, we’re bound to hit a point of contention and frustration with others no matter how much we care for them.

What factors influence how hard we work to resolve issues?

According to Erica B. Slotter, Ph.D., and her fellow researchers, various aspects of a relationship can help to diffuse or reduce feelings of frustration. The researchers found relationship commitment to be the strongest factor, often resulting in:

1. Development of patience to respond rather than react to provocations

2. Reduction in levels of frustration regardless of provocations

3. Greater willingness of each partner to sacrifice for the benefit of the relationship

4. More forgiving of the provoking behavior

5. More accommodating toward partner during disagreement

(Read More)

The Insight – If you are in a relationship, make sure the other person knows you are committed. If there is disagreement, focus on the issue and not the emotions evoked by the problem. Be honest with your partner and, more importantly, with yourself when weighing both sides of the problem. Accept blame, admit fault and humbly apologize when necessary. Prioritize relationship resolutions and goals. The people you love the most are far more important than the little habits we all have that may frustrate them.

What steps do you take to resolve disagreements in your relationship?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” ~ Ella Fitzgerald

Unfortunately, there is no set formula for a “happy, successful relationship,” but there certainly are influences on relationship happiness and success.

What are the makings of a strong, lasting relationship?

A study conducted at Michigan State University by researchers Mikhila Humbad, Ph.D., M. Brent Donellan, Ph.D., Kelly L. Klump, Ph.D., and S. Alexandra Burt, Ph.D., used the Brief Romantic Relationship Interaction Coding Scheme (BRRICS) to determine the components of successful relationships. BRRICS measured success along the following criteria:

1. Affect

• Positive affect is measured by personal enjoyment of the relationship, feelings of understanding, acceptance and validation respective to each partner
• Negative affect is measured by the criticism, hostility and disagreements among partners

2. Reciprocity

• Positive reciprocity gives evidence of relationship enjoyment through laughter, humor and smiles
• Negative reciprocity gives Evidence of frustration in the relationship through harsh tones, frowns and criticism toward one’s partner

3. Demand-withdraw pattern

• One person continuously complains about his or her partner’s behavior until that partner shuts down

4. Overall satisfaction

• Individual ratings of pleasure and fulfillment each partner receives from the relationship

(Read More)

The Insight –Positivity, encouragement and humor are just a few of the key ingredients in a successful relationship. Think about the reasons you use the word “Love” when you are talking to your partner and what it really means to you. Research suggests that one indicator of love is truly giving of yourself for the betterment of someone else.  That is just one aspect of a lasting relationship.

What are your suggestions for a lasting relationship?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

Happy Valentine’s Day!

“I have learned not to worry about love, but to honor its coming with all my heart.”~Alice Walker

I try to avoid giving into the pressures of commercialized holidays, but I will take the opportunity to express how much I care for those I love.

Dr. Diana Kirschner and the American Psychological Association offer up tips for couples and singles for a successful Valentine’s Day and for building successful relationships in the present and for the future:

 1.       For Couples:

• Spouses and persons in committed relationships should act as though they are having an affair with each other.
• Abandon all electronic devices (at least for Valentine’s Day) and focus entirely on your loved one.

 2.       For Singles:

• Throw a party for yourself and your friends to celebrate you and your accomplishments.
• Along with your friends, create a list of ten things for which you are grateful and read your lists aloud.
• Go on a group date to see a movie or play, to have dinner or to go dancing. Enjoy the day!

(Read More)

The Insight – Love is not strictly for people in relationships. Yes, Valentine’s Day gives us a good reason to celebrate and dote on loved ones and close friends, but why not use it as an excuse to dote on yourself? Enjoy the holiday in a manner that serves you. Remind your friends and your loved ones how much you value the relationships you have with them, but also take the time to remind yourself of your own worth.

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face.”~Carol Moseley-Braun

Have you ever noticed how the company you keep influences other people’s perceptions of you? Perhaps your own opinion of a person has change based on the people with whom he or she spends time.

Do our relationships influence our identity and how others perceive it?

According to research conducted by John B. Pryor, Ph.D., Glenn D. Reeder, Ph.D., and Andrew E. Monroe, Ph.D., we often judge people based on their relationships and the people with whom they associate. Stigma by association results from:

1.       Type of Stigma

• Stigmatized individuals refers to people society criticizes because they do not ‘fit in’ according to societal standards of ‘normal’ based on three categories: socially ‘unacceptable’ alterations to physical appearance, ethnic and cultural identifiers, and perceived character flaws that oppose “morality.”

2.       Strength of Relationship

• We judge those who associate with “norm defying” individuals more harshly the stronger the relationship between the two.

3.       Controllability

• These “norm defying” individuals, their friends and their families receive greater social criticism depending on the person’s ability to affect a difference or how ‘controllable’ it is perceived to be.

(Read More)

The Insight – We limit ourselves and our potential to form great relationships when we judge people based on their appearances and on their relationships with others. We are all multifaceted individuals and should maintain relationships that serve different aspects of our personalities. Being open to receive what life has to offer by way of new relationships stems from one’s ability to choose a nonjudgmental path in life.

What do you really see when you look at an individual?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life