Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Gossip.”

Next week’s topic will be “Generalizations.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Rules of Engagement.

• While gossip has a negative connotation, much of what we learn and many of our social interactions stem from word of mouth. It is ultimately unavoidable and can be a positive tool to share information not spread rumors.  When sharing information or gossip, create positive rules of engagement. Stay positive, trust your own judgment of character, think about the image you are projecting, don’t share information that may be hurtful to someone else and stick to the facts.

2. You are What you Speak.

• We tend to apply certain perceptions to others based on their appearance and their actions. We also make judgments of people based on their words and preferred topic of conversation. Gossip can be positive, but it’s up to you to filter out the negative and put forth the image that best represents who you are. Choose words that build others up and share the stories of success.

3. And its Influence.

• Do not fall prey or waste time on manipulative power ploys of the insecure. When you are at work, focus on your goals and the road to success. If the gossip involves your livelihood, don’t be a “whistleblower” but, when in doubt, seek answers from a higher source at an appropriate time and collect the facts. Use gossip to share positive information and make connections.

4. And Progesterone.

• When social bonding is lighthearted, fun, entertaining, and engaging, the physiological benefits promote well-being.  Make the time to connect with people who give you positive energy and idle gossip.

The Insight:  Gossip plays an important role in our societal make up. It helps us to understand social norms, identify like-minded people, and gather information about our interpersonal networks. There are pros and cons when deciding when to listen to gossip, being a part of it, and ignoring it. No matter how you handle it, be aware of how it affects your well-being. In what settings can you manage it to your benefit and at what point is it best to shy away?

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You and your girlfriends like to get together once a month to catch up and gossip…only positively of course. Or maybe you and the guys like to partake of a similar bonding ritual for men over a game of golf or poker. No matter how silly it may seem, do not interrupt the festivities. Keep these activities on your social calendar. We all need them.

Can spending time with friends have positive physiological effects?

Stephanie Brown, Ph. D. , Associate Professor of Preventive Medicine at SUNY Stony Brook and Associate Professor at the University of Michigan, made a discovery.  According to her study, published in a peer-reviewed journal Hormones and Behavior, increased progesterone levels are the result of social bonding or idle gossip with friends. Research has long proven that progesterone increases the need to bond with others, but not vice versa.

Increased progesterone levels impact the following:

• Increases our willingness to help others
• Aids in maternal responsiveness
• Advances preparation of the womb for fertility
• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Helps to suppress self-interest
• Assists in promoting selflessness
• Is linked to trust and maternal instinct

(Read More)

The Insight – When social bonding is lighthearted, fun, entertaining, and engaging, the physiological benefits promote well-being.  Make the time to enjoy the good company of friends, for your benefit.

When did you last spend time with close friends?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: You walked into a room and the gossiper stopped talking. You knew he or she was talking about your boss because you already heard a few words.  So, you asked to be included in the company scoop. You didn’t care about the gossip; your goal was to not be excluded. What was the gossiper’s goal?

Can people use gossip to influence their power?

According to a proposed model of gossip and power in the workplace by Nancy Kurland, Ph.D. and Lisa Hope Pelled, there are four types of power influenced by gossip in the workplace:

1. Expert

• The influence of gossip is based on the position or title given to the gossiper by the company. Their power increases because employees agree or comply with gossip in return for social affiliation and benefits.

2. Reward

• Power is increased because positive gossip about future events that is beneficial to an individual or company is used as a reward.

3. Coercive

• Power is gained from the gossiper sharing negative information to gain authority, pressure or manipulate people.

4. Referent:

• Power is based on personal perception. If gossip is highly regarded by an individual or group, then the power of the gossiper increases. If gossiping is looked down upon, then the gossiper’s power diminishes.

The Insight: Do not fall prey or waste time on manipulative power ploys of the insecure. When you are at work, focus on your goals and the road to success. If the gossip involves your livelihood, don’t be a “whistleblower” but, when in doubt, seek answers from a higher source at an appropriate time and collect the facts. Use gossip to share positive information and make connections.

Do you let office gossip affect your day?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: We’ve all had a friend or acquaintance at some point in our lives that was like a walking tabloid—always spewing the latest scandal about anyone and everyone anytime. In the beginning, admit it, he or she was fun and exciting. But eventually you let the friendship die because the theatrics grew old, and you didn’t want to be next week’s news.

Can you develop an impression of someone based on how much they gossip?

Yes. A recent experiment conducted by psychologists Sally D. Farley, Ph. D., Jason W. Hart, Ph. D., and Diane M. Timme, R.N., suggests that people develop certain perceptions of others according to how actively they participate in gossip.

Frequent Gossipers

• Greater need to have power and control within a social setting
• Less likely to be under another person’s or group’s social authority
• Less likely to display affection, or weaker emotional bonds within social groups
• More likely to talk about social interactions

Infrequent Gossipers

• Impartial to social authority; no expressed need to possess or submit to social authority
• Not as concerned about social authority
• Stronger emotional bonds within social settings
• Conversations tend to shy away from social interactions or the affairs of others

The Insight:  We tend to apply certain perceptions to others based on their appearance and their actions. We also make judgments of people based on their words and preferred topic of conversation. Gossip can be positive, but it’s up to you to filter out the negative and put forth the image that best represents who you are. Choose words that build others up and share the stories of success.

What impression do the words you choose make?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Nobody likes to get caught up in the “he said/she said” drama that tends to plague social settings. The truth ultimately gets lost as gossip spreads and rumors fly. There are no rules of engagement to gossip. But for all the negative, debasing functions gossip serves, why does it exist?

Does gossip serve a useful function in society?

The Social Gossip Theory, developed by Robin Dunbar, Ph. D. , declares that language has evolved due to the pressures of fostering relationships in social networks. Therefore, there are four healthy primary functions of gossip within a social setting:

1. Measure Population Activity

• To monitor societal changes and movement in an interpersonal network

2. Develop Social Skills

• To increase social adeptness for future relationships

3. Implement Social Correction

• To criticize or punish members of society who do not follow societal norms, rules or laws

4. Learn

• To gain wisdom and insight from other members of society

We also use gossip from others to judge their opinion so we can decide if we are like-minded enough to continue a relationship. (Read more)

The Insight: While gossip has a negative connotation, much of what we learn and many of our social interactions stem from word of mouth. It is ultimately unavoidable and can be a positive tool to share information, not spread rumors.  When sharing information or gossip, create positive rules of engagement. Stay positive, trust your own judgment of character, think about the image you are projecting, don’t share information that may be hurtful to someone else and stick to the facts.

What are your gossip rules of engagement?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life