Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Emotional Identity”

Next week’s topic will be “Emotional Traits”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. When Facing Change

• The act of accepting and embracing change takes time. Don’t allow unexpected or expected change to define you or your emotions. Remember that change is temporary and transitional. The emotions you experience at the start of the change will likely be different in some way or another from what you feel towards the end of the transition when things have finally settled. Foster resilience in your emotions to maintain stability. You will be able to regroup and rebuild no matter the changes you face.

2. Of Forgiveness.

• However you view forgiveness and for whatever reason you choose to forgive, it must be done for your own betterment and to stabilize your own identity. Be honest with yourself: are the negative emotions worth the additional stress you are putting on yourself? Yes, forgiveness may require virtue, temperance and love equally, but developing each of these things and allowing them to grow within your identity is also to your benefit.

3. Find a Happy Medium!

• We often forget that our identities are shaped by the people with whom we most associate. While it’s easy to pay attention to our emotional needs, we sometimes neglect to acknowledge the emotional needs of others. We assume that since we identify with certain emotions or have particular needs, those emotions and needs will be obvious to others because we consider them a part of our identities. We must take the time and give the attention necessary to understand the needs of others and communicate our needs to others. Then and only then can we create a balance within our relationships without altering our individual identities or pressuring others to alter theirs.

4. Whole or Part?

• Your emotions are part of your identity; they do not dominate it. Cultivate self and situational awareness to emotionally prepare yourself to handle every situation. We our constantly in the processing of shaping our identities, so keep an open mind. Try to see new perspectives in every situations. Develop different coping methods for situations in which you can’t change your perspective. Master your emotions to achieve balance in any situation.

The Insight: We could easily get away with excusing certain behaviors based on our emotions in specific situations, but it would demonstrate strength of character if we took responsibility for our emotions and learned to control them. Our emotions do not define us; the way we manage our emotions defines who we are and how others see us.

Have a wonderful weekend! 

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario – Your partner knows just how to push your buttons, but today is not the day. Work was rough and the traffic on the way home from the office was draining. You’ve got so many emotions racing through you, you’re not sure which one to address first, but you’re certain the last thing you need is to have that button pushed. When emotions get involved, it’s easy to lose control, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

How can we regulate our emotions to achieve balance?

The Emotional Regulation Theory by James J. Gross, Ph.D., proposes situational awareness and self-awareness to better regulate our emotions. Based on the situation, we may decide to practice:

1.     Situation Modification

• Taking control of the situation and making changes that you know will facilitate or produce positive emotions

2.     Attentional Deployment

• Directing your attention to something positive or more desirable in a potentially frustrating situation

3.     Cognitive Change

• Re-evaluating a situation, assigning it a different meaning or purpose that allows a more desirable emotional response.

4.     Situation selection

• Taking actions to make sure we find ourselves in situations with which we are familiar to our emotional responses, we know what to expect of ourselves in our emotional responses.

The Insight – Your emotions are part of your identity; they do not dominate it. Cultivate self and situational awareness to emotionally prepare yourself to handle every situation. We our constantly in the processing of shaping our identities, so keep an open mind. Try to see new perspectives in every situations. Develop different coping methods for situations in which you can’t change your perspective. Master your emotions to achieve balance in any situation.

What are your techniques for balancing your emotions with your identity?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You sit down on the couch next to your partner who’s in the middle of watching the season finale of his or her favorite TV show. After a minute of silence, you ask, “Can I talk to you about something?” Your partner brushes you off at first, but then becomes frustrated after you press the issue.  You become upset, your partner becomes more upset, and neither of you really know what just happened.

Can awareness of our emotional identities create balance within our relationships?

John D. Mayer, Ph.D., and Peter Salovey, Ph.D., developers of the Four Branch Model of Emotional Intelligence, argue that we should not be governed by our emotions, but rather we should control and harness our emotions to help us decide how to respond in any given situation. The model describes these four branches:

 1.     Emotional Perception

• Ability to accurately identify one’s emotions as well as others’ emotions

2.     Thought Processing

• Ability to use emotions to enable fluid thinking

3.     Derive Meaning

• Discern the meaning of emotions according to person and situation

4.     Manage Emotions

• Ability to control emotions to respond rationally and positively in a variety of situations

The Insight – We often forget that our identities are shaped by the people with whom we most associate. While it’s easy to pay attention to our emotional needs, we sometimes neglect to acknowledge the emotional needs of others. We assume that since we identify with certain emotions or have particular needs, those emotions and needs will be obvious to others because we consider them a part of our identities. We must take the time and give the attention necessary to understand the needs of others and communicate our needs to others. Then and only then can we create a balance within our relationships without altering our individual identities or pressuring others to alter theirs.

Do you use your emotional intelligence to cultivate balance?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – Someone close to you has isolated you, rejected you, or maybe said some things he or she didn’t mean. You are hurt and angry, but the negative emotion has weighed you down long enough and begun to take root in your identity. You want to move on, but where do you start? Start by defining forgiveness.

How do we define forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the decision to release negative emotions such as anger or bitterness towards a person, a group of people, or situation that has caused you pain. According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, forgiveness manifests in three different forms.

1.       Virtue

• Western philosophy describes forgiveness as a great challenge, one of which is possible only by persons of high moral fiber in possession of strong character traits.

2.       Temperance

• According to Platonic philosophy, forgiveness is a result of good temperance, and the ability of a person to master his or her anger, as anger is believed to inhibit sound reasoning and self-control.

3.       Love

• Rooted in the Christian faith, the idea of forgiveness as love necessitates that forgiveness is performed with the knowledge that the one being forgiven is perhaps undeserving. It is offered despite repentance, or lack thereof, out of moral obligation.

(Read More)

The Insight – However you view forgiveness and for whatever reason you choose to forgive, it must be done for your own betterment and to stabilize your own identity. Be honest with yourself: are the negative emotions worth the additional stress you are putting on yourself? Yes, forgiveness may require virtue, temperance and love equally, but developing each of these things and allowing them to grow within your identity is also to your benefit.

Is forgiveness a part of your emotional identity?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: You are faced with news that will change your life. How do you handle it?

What common emotional reactions arise when we face change?

We define change as making something different from what it is or what it would be, if left alone.

There are six common reactions to the news of change, according to an extended version of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ Grief Cycle. Despite the name of the cycle, research shows that these are common reactions to all kinds of change whether it be personal, organizational, negative or positive.

Stage 1: Shock – You take time to understand the news. Body language is minimal.

Stage 2: Denial – You deny the impact of change and claim it has no effect on the current status quo.

Stage 3: Anger – You release an outpouring of harbored feelings and emotions.

Stage 4: Bargaining – You accept that a change has occurred and rationalize hopeful aspects of the situation.

Stage 5: Depression or Exploration – If you are resistant to change, you may reach an emotional low when faced with the reality of the change (depression). If you embrace the change, you are willing to review different methods of tackling the newness and moving the process forward (exploration).

Stage 6: Acceptance – You are stable and ready to move forward in your new environment or situation.

The Insight: The act of accepting and embracing change takes time. Don’t allow unexpected or expected change to define you or your emotions. Remember that change is temporary and transitional. The emotions you experience at the start of the change will likely be different in some way or another from what you feel towards the end of the transition when things have finally settled. Foster resilience in your emotions to maintain stability. You will be able to regroup and rebuild no matter the changes you face.

How do you handle change?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life