The Scenario – You could spend hours counting the number of ways someone has hurt you, or listing a person’s bad qualities, but where does that lead you? Nowhere except to resentment, irritation and regret. What would it look like if instead we made a list of reasons why we should forgive, and the number of ways letting go of the negativity would benefit us?

What are the benefits of letting go of old grudges and harbored negative emotions?

According to Katherine Piderman, Ph.D., staff Chaplin of the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness facilitates:

1. Healthy relationships

2. Spiritual and psychological well-being

3. Decrease in stress and hostility

4. Decrease in blood pressure

5. Decrease in symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain

6. Decreased risk of substance abuse

(Read More)

 The Insight – Holding a grudge doesn’t help anybody, especially not the person holding onto it. If you do not take care of your mental and physical well-being, who will? It’s challenging, and you may not want to let go, or you may feel that the other person doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but consider how it would help you mentally and physically to let go of the bitterness and pain. The longer you hold onto negative emotion, the more difficult it becomes to let it go. Don’t wait. Take care of yourself.

Have you made your list of the benefits for forgiving or seeking forgiveness?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – Every now and again, we need a little motivation to do what we know is best for us. But how do you find the motivation to forgive when the emotional aspects of resentment or anger have worn you out?

How can we motivate ourselves to forgive?

According to an article from the Journal of Holistic Nursing, written by Ann C. Recine, RN, Joan Stehle Werner, DNS, and Louis Recine, SFO, there are four practices we can use to encourage and motivate forgiveness in ourselves and in others.

1.       Persuasion

• Persuade yourself. Describe or create a list of benefits and incentives that would result from forgiveness.

2.       Vicarious Experience

• Demonstrate or witness an act of forgiveness to familiarize yourself with the process or allow someone else to become familiar with the process through you.

3.       Physiological Awareness

• Our bodies’ responses to past pains or experiences that we have not yet forgiven can be alarming and hinder our motivation to forgive or be forgiven. Learning how and why we have those physical responses will better prepare us for when they happen again.

4.       Enactive Attainment

• Experiencing for yourself, or helping another to actually experience true forgiveness, perhaps through visualization, or speaking the words “I forgive you” will help to increase the motivation to forgive or seek forgiveness.

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The Insight – Forgiveness can be awkward and intimidating, but it is absolutely necessary. Do whatever it takes to offer or ask for forgiveness. That might mean asking someone for help or practicing forgiveness on your own, but the effort is worth it if it helps to dissipate the negativity over time.

Have you found your motivation to forgive?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You’ve been hurt by someone close to you. Though it was unintentional, you’ve held a grudge since then. You assume they know exactly why your attitude toward them has changed, but you never confronted the issue. It was obvious, so you think. Either way, you want to resolve the issue but it seems too late to talk about it.

How do we let go of past grudges?

Ryan Howes, Ph.D., offers a four-step process to letting go of past grudges and forgiving those who have hurt you:

1.       Express the emotion

• Feel through your emotions; it’s a natural part of the human experience. We cannot solve a problem if we refuse to address it.

2.       Identify Cause

• Evaluate the situation, allow the offender to explain or take ownership of his or her actions, and pinpoint the exact reason why you feel the way you do.

3.       Rebuild Trust

• To move past a painful experience or pardon an act, one must have faith that the offender has repented and won’t commit the painful act again.

4.       Let go

• One must choose for his or herself to completely let go of the offense, which means it will no longer be held against the offender, and it won’t be referenced again.

The Insight – Letting go of negativity is first and foremost a choice, but it is not an easy one to make. It takes strength in character to decide you want to get past negative feelings and even more strength to take the steps necessary to do so. Keep in mind that to articulate and express your emotions in hopes of resolution is a healthy choice that benefits you. Make the call or send an e-mail to that person who hurt you and begin the process.

What are you waiting on?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – Your spouse said some things he or she didn’t mean, your friends have isolated you, or someone you cared about has rejected you. You are hurt and angry, but the negative emotion has weighed you down long enough. You want to move on, but where do you start?

How do we define forgiveness?

Forgiveness may be defined as the decision to release negative emotions, such as anger or bitterness towards a person, group of people, or situation that has caused you pain. According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, forgiveness manifests itself in three different forms.

1.       Virtue

• Western philosophy describes forgiveness as a great challenge, one of which is possible only by persons of high moral fiber in possession of strong character traits.

2.       Temperance

• According to Platonic philosophy, forgiveness is a result of good temperance, and the ability of a person to master his or her anger, as anger is believed to inhibit sound reasoning and self-control.

3.       Love

• Rooted in the Christian faith, the idea of forgiveness as love necessitates that forgiveness is performed with the knowledge that the one being forgiven is perhaps undeserving. It is offered despite repentance, or lack thereof, out of moral obligation.

(Read More)

The Insight – However you view forgiveness and for whatever reason you choose to forgive, it must be done for your own betterment. Be honest with yourself. Are the negative emotions worth the additional stress you are putting on yourself? Yes, forgiveness may require virtue, temperance and love equally, but developing each of these things within yourself is also to your benefit.

Do you have the resilience to forgive and seek forgiveness when necessary?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life