Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Communication.”

Next week’s topic will be “Listening.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

What resonated the most with me about this week’s blogs was Dr. Seligman’s intervention on communicating actively and constructively. It makes me feel like people care when they ask questions as opposed to giving a basic non descript comment in response to me sharing news. I also had a few enlightening moments when researching Deborah Tannen’s theories on commutation between men and women. Maybe now I won’t be so upset when my husband is so busy finding solutions that he fails to hear a word I say;)

1.     Men Versus Women.

• Use this information to understand how your partner or members of the opposite sex communicate. Make sure you ask clarifying questions and reiterate what you think they said so that you are both on the same page from the beginning.

2.     What Message is your Body Sending?

• Body language accounts for 50 percent of the messages we are sending. Keep in mind that noticing a change in a person’s body language signals a change in what they feel or think. At the same time, being mindful of our own body language allows us to ensure that we are not sending mixed signals.

3.     The S.M.C.R. Model.

• This all seems commonsensical but how many times have you received a message that you didn’t understand? When receiving information be engaging, ask questions and give feedback. When sharing information think about the message and make sure the receiver understands your intended meaning.

4.     Give Actively and Constructively.

• Active constructive responses increase loyalty, commitment, and love. Use it everyday and be engaged when communicating.

The Insight: Communication can be defined as the exchange of information and feedback between two people or living organisms. It’s important to be engaged, know what messages you are sending, and understand the S.M.C.R. model for effective communication. You are the receiver of my information so what’s your feedback?

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: A friend, partner, or someone very special shared some good news with you today. You want to give feedback that shows your character and engages communication, but you’re not sure about the approach. Do you respond simply by saying “congrats, well done,” or is there a better way to communicate so that the person understands you care?

“Character is power.” ~ Booker T. Washington

How do we give supportive feedback to promote engaging communication?

Dr. Martin Seligman suggests that positive communication requires that we use Active Constructive Responding on a daily basis when communicating with those we care about. Four ways to respond:

1. Passive constructive response: Congratulate the other person and give positive affirmations.

2. Active destructive response: Mention the negative aspects of their accomplishment.

3. Passive destructive: Ignore and do not acknowledge the achievement at all.

4. Active constructive response: Give positive affirmations and ask questions like, “can you tell me about the moment, let’s relive it together, where were you when it happened, how did you feel, how does the process work, what did they say, and what is your next step?”

The Insight: Active constructive responses increase loyalty, commitment and love. Use it everyday and be engaged when communicating.

Do you use active constructive responses without even knowing it?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Does the lack of a response make you feel like you are talking to a wall? Do you enjoy speaking to someone, waiting for a response, and not receiving it? For the record, for “communication” to take place there has to be feedback.

“I hope to live to hear that good communication corrects bad manners.” ~ Benjamin Banneker

How can we determine the proper format for productive, rewarding communication?

There are several theories that have stemmed from David Berlo’s Source, Message, Channel, and Receiver Model (S.M.C.R.) of communication. Claude E. Shannon and Warren Weaver‘s version, listed below, uses Berlo’s theory as it’s base.

Source: The initiator wishes to send a message so that others receive it.

Encoder: Decide the proper format for the message. What is the message you intend to share?

Message: The message shared to persuade, give information, stimulate response, or express feelings should be clear and understandable to the receivers.

Channel: How will the message be shared? Verbal, written, electronic?, etc. The channel has to be easily accessed by the receiver.

Noise: Interference or distortion my change the original message if noise is not minimized.

Decoder: The messaged shared must be understood as it was intended.

Receiver: There must be a second party to receive the message.

Feedback: For engaging, meaningful communication to take place, there must be feedback, comments or questions following the understood meaning of the intended message.

The Insight: This all seems commonsensical, but how many times have you received a message that you didn’t understand? When receiving information ask questions and give feedback.

When sharing information think about the message and make sure the receiver understands your intended meaning.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

The Scenario: Have you ever received mixed signals from someone? Like when someone tells you they can’t wait to see you.  You trust these words were spoken honestly yet when you arrive, their body language doesn’t show it. Maybe they fidget with their phone, don’t make eye contact, and are not affectionate.

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” ~ James Earl Jones

What does body language communicate?

There are several forms of body language, but we will focus on three predominant forms.

1.     Open body language: Arms and legs not crossed. May lean forward or sit erect. Eye contact is undisturbed and continued. Person may be smiling. This may signal acceptance, curiosity, enthusiasm, aggression, passive threats, or relaxation. This person may be perceived more positively and welcoming. If aggressive, then arms are open, rounded at the elbows and tense.

2.     Closed body language: Arms and legs are crossed, folded tightly with tension. Eye contact is sporadic, maybe looking downward and away from the other person. This signals defensiveness, coldness, suspicion, and sometimes relaxation if arms are crossed without tension.

3.     Power body language: A firm handshake with the arm extended. Touching the other person with a pat on the back or shoulder signifies power. Speaking with a confidence and using well-placed pauses to make sure others are listening. Longer than usual eye contact when speaking.

The Insight: Body language accounts for 50 percent of the messages we are sending. Keep in mind that noticing a change in a person’s body language signals a change in what they feel or think. At the same time, being mindful of our own body language allows us to ensure that we are not sending mixed signals.

Are you mindful of the messages your body language is sending?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Happy President’s Day!

The Scenario: Have you ever tried to settle a disagreement with a member of the opposite sex and thought, “why are they not getting this” or “what is he or she talking about?” Often you can reach the end of a disagreement like this to find out you were disputing two different points from the start. How do you build a bridge across the communication gap?

“Education is all a matter of building bridges.” ~ Ralph Ellison

What are that general areas of conflict between the communications styles of men and women?

According to Deborah Tannen, a professor at the University of Georgetown and author of You Just Don’t Understand, there are good reasons for the common areas of conflict between men and women.

Status vs. Support: Men seek contest, achievement, status or defense when conversing. Women seek intimacy through consensus, support and confirmation.

Independence vs. Intimacy: Men seek independence that stems from status. Women seek the closeness that is preserved through the intimacy of conversation.

Advice vs. Understanding: Men give advice and suggest resolutions to concerns when women are seeking emotional support and comfort.

Information vs. Feelings: Men have typically repressed feelings as children so their adult life conversation is used only for giving and receiving information. Women start learning in childhood to communicate how, why, when, and what they are feeling.

Order vs. Proposal: Men give and understand direct commands. Women seek to gain support with requests or proposals. Men interpret it as a manipulative order and resist being told what to do.

Conflict vs. Compromise: Women are more likely to compromise to avoid conflict. Men are more prepared to be argumentative regardless of the potential for conflict.

The Insight: Use this information to educate yourself about how your partner or members of the opposite sex communicate. Then make sure you ask clarifying questions and reiterate what you think they said so that you are both on the same page from the beginning.

Do you fit the gender roles of communication?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships