Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Building Relationships.”

Next week’s topic will be “Influences on Relationships.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1. Do We Negotiate the Image We Project?

• It’s easy to put your best self forward when trying to make a good first impression, but if those characteristics aren’t characteristic of you, you’re not really putting your best self forward you are projecting the image you want others to see. In time, the energy level needed to sustain your projected image becomes harder to maintain and the real you returns. Play up your positive qualities but only as far as you plan on maintaining them. Be true to your real self and be the person you want to be starting now. Work toward building the positive attributes you present when first meeting others today and every day.

2. Attachment and Equity

• We each differ in our identities, wants and needs, but that doesn’t mean we can’t form healthy lasting relationships despite those differences. Make it a point to understand yours and your partner’s attachment style to limit assumptions with regard to expectations. Set expectations early in the relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship in which you feel you are receiving equal benefits for the investment you put into the relationship.

3. Do You Want Yours to Last?

• Focus on and encourage the positive aspects of your romantic partner and your relationship. It’s that simple. Positivity breeds happiness and optimism.

4. And Identity.

• Building a strong relationship is important to your own personal identity. Foster strong, positive interpersonal connections that build you up as a person and inspire you to do the same for your romantic partner.

The Insight— Building a strong, healthy, lasting relationship is no easy task, but it’s well worth the effort. Know yourself. Never compromise who you are for the sake of making a good first impression. Set expectations for yourself and invite your significant other to do the same. The idea is to build a strong connection and foster mutual happiness. Maintain a positive attitude despite the negativity that may arise.  Engage in relationships that build up your identity and make you stronger as a person.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it allows me to survive, and better than that, to thrive with passion, compassion, and style.”~ Maya Angelou

As social beings, each of us is capable and desires to form connections with others to the point that relationships even shape our individual identities.

Do our relationships reflect who we are as individuals?

Research conducted by Lisa Linardatos, Ph.D., and John E. Lydon, Ph.D., suggests that our relationships can, in fact, shape our identities. Relationship-specific identification involves:

1. Absorbing a specific relationship into one’s identity based on a deep, meaningful experience with that relationship

2. Perceiving greater satisfaction from relationships based on how strongly one associates the relationship with his or her identity

3. Forming a greater sense of commitment based on the strength of the identification an individual has with his or her relationship

(Read More)

The Insight – Building a strong relationship is important to your own personal identity. Foster strong, positive interpersonal connections that build you up as a person and inspire you to do the same for your romantic partner.

Do your relationships positively influence your identity?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It’s easy to identify negative attributes and shortcomings in others. Many of us are trained to find mistakes in our daily lives such as loopholes in contracts, potential breaches in systems, grammatical errors in school papers and contextual errors in copy. But we need skills that allow us to recognize the strengths and positives in relationships.

Do we need to focus on the positive aspects of a relationship to make it last?

Yes! According to research conducted by Faby M. Gagne, Ph.D., and John E. Lydon, Ph.D., having an “overly positive” yet accurate perception of our relationships and romantic partners can improve relationship qualities. A positive outlook results in:

1. A better sense of security

2. Longevity by fostering beliefs that the relationship is worth overcoming life struggles

3. A strong foundation from which the couple can explore new interests

4. Less ambivalence and conflict

5. A perceived increase in the quality of the relationship

6. Increased satisfaction as the relationship progresses

(Read More)

The Insight – Focus on and encourage the positive aspects of your romantic partner and your relationship. It’s that simple. Positivity breeds happiness and optimism.

What will you focus on today?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much.” Zora Neal Hurston.

Sometimes we invest in love only as much as we feel is necessary to gain personal satisfaction from that relationship. But a half-hearted investment will only reap a half-hearted response.

Does attachment influence how much effort we invest in relationships?

A study on attachment theories, conducted by Ina Grau, Ph.D., and Jorg Doll, Ph.D., suggests that attachment styles influence how we perceive our relationships and how much we invest in those relationships. The researchers found:

1. Secure Attachment

• People who develop secure attachments give and receive equally with their partners and enjoy greater benefits in their relationships than persons who identify with other attachment styles.

2. Avoidant Attachment

• The give and take in relationships involving two avoidant people is equal between partners, but relatively low in comparison to relationships involving one avoidant and one non-avoidant person.

3. Anxiety Attachment

• Relationship partners who identify with anxiety-attachment tend to view their relationships as imbalanced, the partner with anxiety-attachment perceives his or herself as the less benefitting partner.

(Read More)

The Insight – We each differ in our identities, wants and needs, but that doesn’t mean we can’t form healthy lasting relationships despite those differences. Make it a point to understand yours and your partner’s attachment style to limit assumptions with regard to expectations. Set expectations early in the relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship in which you feel you are receiving equal benefits for the investment you put into the relationship.

How much do you invest in your relationships?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

“Character, not circumstances, makes the man.” Booker T. Washington

Ever notice a change in your behavior between your everyday self and the person you are when you meet new people, especially people with relationship potential?

Do we negotiate character traits when attracting romantic partners?

According to a study conducted by William B. Swann, Ph. D., Jennifer K. Bosson, Ph. D., and Brett W. Pelham, Ph. D., when we look for relationship partners we negotiate between positivity and authenticity to attract others based on how we perceive ourselves. The factors influencing these negotiation tactics include:

 1.       Self-View

• Individuals tend to be aware of their capabilities and positive attributes, but also tend to evaluate themselves more negatively than they want a potential romantic partner to view them.

2.       Desired Appraisals

• In romantic relationships, individuals naturally desire positive appraisals from their significant other, but they desire significantly higher appraisals from their romantic partners than they give themselves.

3.       Self-Presentations

• In order to achieve the desired appraisal, individuals present a more positive, desirable self to potential romantic partners than they would to non-romantic partners.

(Read More)

The Insight – It’s easy to put your best self forward when trying to make a good first impression, but if those characteristics aren’t characteristic of you, you’re not really putting your best self forward you are projecting the image you want others to see. In time, the energy level needed to sustain your projected image becomes harder to maintain and the real you returns. Play up your positive qualities but only as far as you plan on maintaining them. Be true to your real self and be the person you want to be starting now. Work toward building the positive attributes you present when first meeting others today and every day.

What do you use as leverage in your relationship negotiations?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life