Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Yes.”

Next week’s topic will be “Satisfaction in Relationships.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1.     On Your Own Terms

• By offering a “yes” response, you open yourself up to opportunity and create an open path for communication. When creating your own terms, you create room for compromise and eliminate the room for error. Complete this statement when trying to make a decision – “The only way I would say yes is if….” It’s empowering.

2.     Worth the While

•  Saying “yes” can open up an entire world of opportunity, but sometimes we need a little extra push to comply. Keep your audience in mind when determining which if not all of the “Six Weapons of Influence” you can use to reach an agreement or to gain compliance.

3.    Try, Try Again

• Saying “yes” won’t always turn out the way we want or expect it to, but to completely give up on “yes” would be to give up on opportunity and improvement. Remember that you are more than capable of overcoming any obstacle set before you. Take the steps to strengthen yourself and learn resilience. The right “yes” is out there and waiting for you!

4.     Excuses, Excuses

• Excuses simply allow us to justify a lack of effort toward goals. By rationalizing irrelevant excuses we become the obstacles preventing success. When making the decision whether to say “yes” or making excuses to say “no,” focus on your goal for clarity. Eliminate excuses, and create new paths around the obstacles in your way!

The Insight: There is no guarantee for success, but if you never say “yes” you will never reach success. Step out of your comfort zone and say, “yes” to opportunity. You can always set up the terms for your agreement, but remember to stay positive. Avoid making excuses; they’re about as effective as saying “no.”  Say “yes” to opportunity and adventure!

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating a Positive Perspective for Life

The Scenario – The end of summer is drawing near, and with it the deadline for all the summer goals you said “yes” to. The garage is still cluttered, the walls in the kitchen have yet to be painted, and you haven’t even signed up for the county wide half-marathon let alone trained for it. What’s been keeping you from keeping your word to yourself?

Do we get in our own way by making excuses?

The Psychoanalytic Theory, fathered by Austrian physician Sigmund Freud, describes behavioral defense mechanisms that help us cope under stress, one of which is rationalization (may also be referred to as “excuses.”) Rationalization is the practice of justifying negative experiences with unrealistic however more acceptable perceptions of the experience to protect and preserve the ego.

Here are a few examples:

1.     An employer refuses to pay a former employee her remaining wages. He argues, “My employee called out three times during her employment, so she doesn’t deserve the rest of her wages.”

2.     A student takes money from his roommate’s wallet. He argues, “He never paid me back for dinner last week.”

3.     You watch TV instead of going to the gym with your friend. You argue, “She skipped once last week, now it’s my turn.”

(Read More)

The Insight - Excuses simply allow us to justify a lack of effort toward goals. By rationalizing irrelevant excuses we become the obstacle preventing success. When making the decision whether to say “yes” or making excuses to say “no,” focus on your goal for clarity. Eliminate excuses, and create new paths around the obstacles in your way!

Are excuses preventing you from saying “yes?”

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You went out on a limb, took a chance, made the effort and failed miserably. Not just once, but several times. One can only try so long.

How can we bounce back from a bad “yes” experience?

Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., offers seven steps to picking yourself up after a fall:

1.     Change Your Mindset:

• Detach yourself from the “victim” identity. Think of yourself as a conqueror and solution finder.

2.     Challenge Yourself:

• Continue to say “yes” and step outside of your comfort zone. A little discomfort in new situations will help you grow.

3.     Find a Role Model:

• Research someone who has overcome adversity and how he or she did it. Revert to that person to inspire and encourage you.

4.     Find Examples of Resilience:

• Research stories and examples of people who have bounced back from struggle and failure. Know that you are not alone.

5.     Ask for Testimonies:

• Discover the stories of triumph among your friends and family.

6.     Physically Exert Yourself:

• Fortify your mind by strengthening your body. Maintain physical fitness so that your body can be a model of strength and resilience for your mind and spirit.

7.     Learn Patience:

• Patience enables us to think things through rather than act on impulse.

What steps can you take to get back to “yes?”

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – Between all the yes men, naysayers, and skeptics, it’s difficult to get others to be on board with your ideas. What you have to offer is worth the effort; the challenge is simply, how.

How can we positively influence others to say “yes?”

According to researcher Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, there are six strategies to encourage others to say “yes”:

1.     Reciprocation

• Provide incentive, or offer something in exchange for compliance.

2.     Commitment and Consistency

• Invoke a sense of obligation by requesting something that correlates to a commitment an individual has already made.

3.     Social Proof

• Individuals discern what is true or right based on the actions of the majority of the group, or the actions of the groups that have higher authority.

4.     Liking

• People are more likely to do favors for individuals they like or with whom they share similarities, so build relationships before asking for favors.

5.     Authority

• Have a higher authority delegate actions or seek compliance because people are more likely to say “yes” out of respect for authority.

6.     Scarcity

• Create a higher demand by removing some of the opportunities. People will perceive the absence of opportunity as an increase in the value of the opportunities that are still available.

(Read More)

The Insight – Saying “yes” can open up an entire world of opportunity, but sometimes we need a little extra push to comply. Keep your audience in mind when determining which if not all of the “Six Weapons of Influence” you can use to reach an agreement or to gain compliance.

What’s your preferred weapon of influence?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – One could easily get caught up in always saying “yes” or always saying “no.” The trouble with either of these extremes is that eventually you will agree to something you really shouldn’t agree to, or become overly passive in decision-making. On the opposite end of the spectrum, saying “no” all the time may lead you to rejecting the opportunity of a lifetime.

How do we decide when to say “yes” and when to say “no?”

According to Dr. Paula Fellingham, an expert in human relations, there is a happy medium. Simply say, “yes” on your own terms.

1.       “Yes”

• Respond to any request without reluctance, but with a positive, willing, “yes.”

2.       On Your Own Terms

• If the request is not something you can concede to on its own, set the conditions by which you will complete the request.

Example:

1. Your 16-year-old son or daughter asks to borrow the car for the evening. You respond, “Yes, but only if you call me when you arrive, put gas in the car and be home by 10 pm.”

2. Your newest employee asks to take on the merger project between you and a sister organization. You respond, “Yes, but only if I mentor you throughout the project and I assign another project manager to assist.”

(Read More)

The Insight – By offering a “yes” response, you open yourself up to opportunity, and create an open path for communication. When creating your own terms, you create room for compromise and eliminate the room for error. Complete this statement when trying to make a decision – “The only way I would say yes is if….” It’s empowering. 

What are your terms of agreement?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Encouragements.”

Next week’s topic will be “Yes.”

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1.      Where Do They Belong?

• Healthy successful relationships will not begin, develop or last without encouragement. The more we are involved in our environments, the more we feel a sense of belonging. Build your relationships on genuine encouragement and foster a sense of belonging for each of them. They will flourish!

2.       What Supports Them?

• Strengthening our self-esteem through self- affirmations or encouragements enables us to combat frustrating habits, reflex tendencies, procrastinations, or negative thoughts by increasing self-control. Tell yourself you can, and you will. All it takes is a little daily encouragement from you to you.

3.       The Positive to Negative Ratio.

• We cannot and should not try to eliminate the negativity in our lives. The positive affect fuels the energy to manage the negative. We learn from the negative events and it helps us develop stability and direction in the grand scheme of life. However, we should encourage others and receive encouragements to ensure that we are reaching and helping others to reach a healthy positive-to-negative ratio.

4.       The Self-Talk Pep Talk.

• We don’t have to repeat the messages we receive. Create a list of goals you wish to accomplish and a list of encouragements to go along with those goals when the road ahead seems most difficult. Repeat them daily to reinforce your self-concept and increase your sense of self-worth. It’s like giving a self-talk pep talk. You will be unstoppable and you will accomplish any goal you set your mind to.

The Insight: Encouragement should be a cornerstone in each one of our relationships. Without it, we are left unstable and wavering. Protect yourself against negativity from within, find your positive to negative ratio, and stabilize it through the use of self-affirmations and encouragements.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario–From time to time, it’s necessary to sit a friend or a loved-one down for what might be an awkward conversation in hopes of making the difference between progress and stagnation or failure. So how do you become empowered enough to give yourself a heart-felt pep talk when you need one?

Is it possible to redirect mindset on the positive without someone else’s help?

According to Dr. Shad Helmstetter, the answer is yes. We can reprogram thought process to think positively and reshape our behavior by understanding three concepts:

1. Receipt of Message

• From birth, we receive messages that tell us about ourselves. Whether positive or negative, we record those messages in our brains. That part of the brain only records and does not decipher them. 

2. Self-Talk

• We naturally repeat or emulate the same messages we hear about ourselves.

3. The Law of Repetition

• The more we hear and repeat these messages, either from ourselves or from others, the more strongly embedded they are in our brains.

(Watch Dr. Helmstetter’s video.)

The Insight–We don’t have to repeat the messages we receive. Create a list of goals you wish to accomplish and a list of encouragements to go along with those goals when the road ahead seems most difficult. Repeat them daily to reinforce your self-concept and increase your sense of self-worth. It’s like giving a self-talk pep talk. You will be unstoppable and you will accomplish any goal you set your mind to.

What does your self-talk voice say?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – A balanced diet, balance your checking account, work-life balance – in everything we do we are encouraged to find a “healthy balance.”

What is a healthy balance between positivity and negativity?

According to Barbara Frederickson, Ph.D., there is a formula to coping with negativity, and positive encouragement is the solution. Rather than having a balance between the two, Frederickson proposes we measure positivity and negativity as a ratio:

1. The “Tipping Point”

• Any ratio that exceeds three positive emotions per negative emotion may create imbalance.

2. Optimum Ratio

• To successfully cope with and manage negative experiences we must feel three positive emotions for every negative emotion.

3. Minimum Ratio

• Depression is likely to occur if we experience one or fewer positive emotions for every negative emotion

The Insight - We cannot and should not try to eliminate the negativity in our lives. The positive affect fuels the energy to manage the negative. We learn from the negative events and it helps us develop stability and direction in the grand scheme of life. However, we should encourage others and receive encouragements to ensure that we are reaching and helping others to reach a healthy positive-to-negative ratio.

What’s your positivity ratio?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario - If you remove the legs from underneath a table, what happens? It falls. The support is no longer there and the tabletop is unable to manage its function alone. If we call self-esteem our personal tabletop, what supports it?  Our two hands called internal and external. There are internal and external elements such as positive feedback from others and self-affirmation that create the support system for our self-esteem and self-concept.

Can personal encouragements (self-affirmations) affect the image we have of ourselves?

According to a study conducted by Brandon J. Schmeichel, Ph. D., and Kathleen Vohs, Ph.D., we are better able to foster and exhibit self-control when we affirm and express core values through self-affirmation. This display of self-control in difficult situations increases an individual’s self-image and his or her ability to counter habits.

Self-Affirmation Intervention

1. Accepting

• Accept the compliments of others. Allow others to offer you encouragement, receive with gratitude and savor the moments.

2. Reflecting

• Reflect on your positive qualities and character strengths when weakened.

3. Voicing

• Voice your personal character strengths, highly regarded qualities and morals.

4. Envisioning

• Envision your goal; reframe and refocus your efforts to achieve it.

(Read More)

The Insight - Strengthening our self-esteem through self- affirmations or encouragements enables us to combat frustrating habits, reflex tendencies, procrastinations, or negative thoughts by increasing self-control. Tell yourself you can, and you will. All it takes is a little daily encouragement from you to you.

What are your self-affirmations in times of need?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario- Did you have fun in school when you were younger? You connected with your friends, laughed at everything and studied with the same people you had already spent eight hours with. Why was that lifestyle so enjoyable? If there were basic elements that you could draw on from that time and apply to your current work or home life, would you?

What are some of the encouragement methods used to create a cooperative environment?

As human beings, one of the greatest commonalities in all of us is the desire for belonging. According to authors Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Len Sperry, Ph.D., and D. Dinkmeyer Ph.D, one of the most effective ways to create that sense of belonging with others is through encouragements. There are six practices used in a classroom setting that we can adopt on a personal level. (Read More)

1. Prioritize relationships

• Invest time in others.

2. Communicate respectfully

• Remember, it’s a dialogue, not a monologue – share and actively listen to ideas.

3. Encourage regularly

• Make it a point to offer genuine encouragement to others daily.

4. Involve others in decision making

• Allowing others to participate in decision-making shows that you value their opinions and trust their judgments.

5. Settle disputes

• Address conflict openly, respectfully and immediately.

6. Enjoy each other

• Make time for fun. Relationships are not emotionless business transactions. Make it a point to have fun together and share a laugh every day.

The Insight- Healthy successful relationships will not begin, develop or last without encouragement. The more we are involved in our environments the more we feel a sense of belonging. Build your relationships on genuine encouragement and foster a sense of belonging for each of them. They will flourish!

Do you foster a sense of belonging in your environments?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life