The Scenario – We like organization and consistency; in fact, we rely on it. When family, friends, work and school become too much for us to handle, we stress, feel overwhelmed, and sometimes burnout.

When certain aspects of daily life lead to burnout, what is the best remedy?

According to Dr. Samuel O. Salami, the factors that most influence our likelihood for burnout are:

1.     Work-Related Stress

• Persons who work with deadlines, or are responsible for the supervision of multiple people, which requires one to be emotionally available, are more likely to experience job stress than others.

2.     Personality

• Individuals whose personalities tend more toward neuroticism are more likely to report experiencing greater amounts of stress than those with less neurotic tendencies.

3.     Support from Social Groups

• Persons with greater social support tend to be stronger and more resilient in instances of overwhelming stress.

(Read More)

The Insight – Psychologists recommend social support as one of many ways to relieve stress. If you know what causes your stress, reach out for social support in your time of need. Talk about it with a confidant or a group of friends you trust. Keeping it all in is not healthy. A support network will help you better manage the effects of stress.

Do you reach out to others during stressful times?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Do you ever wonder why you can manage or handle stress better than others? Or why you can tackle an unpredictable challenge with ease?

Which of the following characteristics do you have that allow you to be emotionally resilient?

Do you have . . .

• Internal Locus of Control: The belief that your results in life are based on your own actions gives you the choice to take control and make the necessary steps to tackle any situation.
• Strong conflict resolution and problem solving skills: Your methodology may include clarifying the issue, identifying your position, actively listening, defining needs, brainstorming solutions, agreeing on the course of action, implementing the plan, then re-evaluating the options.
• Tenacity: The ability to push forward and focus on goals in the face of adversity.
• Networks of people: Surround yourself with networks of people that are inspiring and uplifting.
• Optimism: View challenges as opportunities with a positive attitude about the results.
• Sense of humor: A sense of humor about life and its setbacks is healthy. It helps reduce stress.
• Self-awareness: Know how you feel, when you feel that way and why. Then you can take action.
• Ability to know when to ask for help: The key to accomplishing any goal is to know when it’s too big to tackle by yourself.

Maybe you have all the qualities listed above. If not you can incorporate some to increase your emotional resilience.

The Insight: Being emotionally resilient stems from a clear understanding of one’s feelings.

When was the last time you managed a challenging situation? Share your insight.

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – The members of your family are strong willed, stubborn and sometimes hotheaded. Every gathering or vacation someone manages to pick a fight, which creates tension in what is supposed to be a fun-filled, loving environment. You could separate the people who tend to disagree into two different rooms, but then you think, they all disagree. Can a sense of humor help?

How does humor function in relationships?

According to a recent study conducted by Bethany Butzer, Ph.D., and Nicholas A. Kuiper, Ph.D., it can. The study found that humor plays an integral role in close relationships. The study focused on three specific types of humor:

 1.     Positive Humor

• Humor is used to strengthen the bond in relationships by creating warmth and an area of common enjoyment.

2.     Negative Humor

• Humor is used to discretely raise issues or express hostility without taking responsibility for or immediately addressing personal feelings.

3.     Avoidant Humor

• Humor is used to draw attention away from the conflict and decrease situational strain with laughter and amusement.

(Read More)

The Insight – Have a joke or three and some humorous anecdotes from past gatherings ready to use in case you need to diffuse any tension that might arise. Some theorists believe we argue the most with family because we feel connected enough to let our guards down. Don’t be surprised when the tension rises. Instead, try to use humor to bring everyone together.

What role will humor play in your holiday?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Have you ever spent time with a group of people you really enjoyed and when you left you said, “Why don’t I do this more often?” After a few laughs you felt a little more content with life or like you filled a void.

Does a laugh a day keep the doctor away?

According to research conducted by Psychology Professor Robert R. Provine and Laughter Therapist Steven Wilson, M.A., C.S.P. , because laughter gets oxygen to your cells and promotes energy and vitality, it’s directed related to:

1. Reduction of Pain and Stress

• Laughter releases endorphins which reduce the feeling of pain in our bodies

2. Boost in Energy and the Immune System

• Laughter causes an increase in the flow of blood and oxygen in our bodies while raising our heart rates

3. Burned calories

• 10 to 15 minutes of intense laughter can burn up to 50 calories

Research shows that people laugh 30 times more in groups than when they are on their own. Children laugh up to 200 times a day while adults laugh 15 times or less.

The Insight: Everyday we are presented with opportunities to laugh. Don’t let them pass you by. Think of it as an exercise in you and a personal benefit that reduces your stress.

When was the last time you had a gut-wrenching laugh?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You know exactly what stress feels like and where it comes from. But do you know how to get rid of it?

Can laughter decrease stress in our lives?

Children laugh about 300 times a day. As we grow older, we are conditioned and socialized to prioritize other things, and we laugh only 5 to 15 times a day. According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter is an effective strategy for both long- and short-term stress relief:

1. Immediate Effects

• Short fits of laughter engage your internal organs while pumping oxygen through your system and releasing endorphins.
• The spurt of mental and physical activity laughter requires excites the body, enacting your body’s natural stress response, which then stimulates your body’s recovery response to stressful situations, leaving you feeling relaxed.

2. Extended Effects

• Negative thoughts and emotions cause your brain to carry out its usual chemical response to negative thoughts and emotions, resulting in unnecessary stress on the body. The more you laugh, the less you have time to dwell on negative thoughts and emotions.
• Laughter causes your body to release endorphins, which are the body’s natural painkillers. The more often you laugh, the less pain you feel. Laughter may even break cycles of pain.
• A good sense of humor enables you to apply a more positive perspective to almost any situation.

(Read More)

The Insight – Look for opportunities to laugh and have fun no matter how silly you may feel or look. Take full advantage of each hilarious moment that presents itself and make time to enjoy it. Watch comedy shows or surround yourself with people you find funny. You’ll reduce current stress and better prepare yourself for any stress looming in the future. Your body will thank you for it.

How many times have you laughed today?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Somewhere in a photo album tucked away in the back of your closet there’s a picture of you in the prime of your high school or college career. As you peer at the picture and relive your fond memories, you can’t help but wonder, “What was going on with my hair, or that shirt? What was I thinking?” You made the conscious decision to have that sense of style. But as an adult, have you given much thought to which coping mechanisms you choose to help you maintain balance when in stressful situations?

Do you choose to practice healthy coping mechanisms?

According to Mark Dombeck, Ph. D. and Jolyn Wells-Moran, Ph. D., emotionally mature, healthy, stable adults choose from the following coping mechanisms to help adapt to life and handle pain or stress.

1.       Suppression

• Consciously deciding not to think about stressful or traumatic feelings until a more appropriate time when one is better able to deal with them.

2.       Sublimation

• Converting negative feelings into positive, constructive feelings and actions.

3.       Altruism

• Using personal experience with pain and stress to help others who may be struggling with similar feelings.

4.       Distraction

• Occupying one’s thoughts with something other than the cause of pain and/or stress to redirect thoughts and temporarily reduce the stress.

Other techniques may include

• Keeping a journal
• Exercising
• Meditation
• Talking it out

The Insight: It’s perfectly fine and normal to feel down sometimes. It’s what we do with and about those feelings that makes the difference. Redirect any negative thoughts and emotions toward something positive and productive by using some of the techniques listed above. It helps to provide comfort and to find meaning through painful, stressful experiences.

Which coping mechanism do you choose?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario – You have moved forward several times but find yourself making decisions that take you back to the place you started.

Do we inhibit ourselves from reaching our goals?

According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., Julia K. Boehm, Ph.D., Fazilet Kasri, Ph.D., and Keri Zehm, Ph.D., some of us have a knack for getting in our own way. “How” you ask? By dwelling on past mistakes and failures. Research suggests that characteristically unhappy people are more prone to dwelling on the past than others and experience the following effects:

1.       Impaired Concentration

• Focusing our thoughts and actions on past events or failures occupies most, if not all, of our mental resources and inhibits our ability to move forward and concentrate on the task at hand.

2.       Cognitive Interference

• Constantly focusing on negative, distressing events diminishes our mental resources causing impairment to memory recall and the ability to concentrate on task-relevant thoughts and actions.

(Read More)

The Insight – Letting the past bring you down can affect your health and mental capacities. It takes time and practice, but you can learn from past mistakes and apply those lessons to the choices you make now to positively influence the present and future. Change your perspective so that you can focus on what will move you forward in life. No one can change the past by ruminating over what has already happened. Get out of your own way by learning to let go, living in the moment, and planning for the future.

Who’s getting in the way of your motivation?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: The perfect peanut butter & jelly sandwich consists of white bread, Skippy® peanut butter, and Welch’s® grape jelly… in my opinion. The soft fluffy bread serves as a delicious conduit for that delightful sweet and salty gooey combination. If one ingredient is missing, the taste just isn’t the same. The same applies for the personal characteristics of one who celebrates others with sincerity time and time again.

What is the combination of character traits needed to celebrate others without regard to one’s self?

Self-Confidence

• The ability to understand that another’s success is just that…another person’s success.

Humility

• You are able celebrate others with the gracefulness and humbleness required to step back and let someone else have their moment of glory.

Optimism

• When the time for someone to celebrate you has not arrived you remain confident when celebrating others and optimistic that your moment will come.

The Insight: Celebrating others is a selfless act of kindness that shows immense personal integrity. It takes confidence, humility and optimism to truly celebrate the success of another person. These are qualities we all possess to varying degrees, so make the decision today to celebrate someone else and share your positive perspective.

Who are you celebrating today?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Are you capable of being happy for your co-worker when he or she receives the promotion you thought you should have? What about being selflessly supportive when the person closest to you has focused their attentions toward someone else? Both instances need strong self-awareness.

Can celebrating others help you overcome jealousy?

We will define jealousy as having resentment toward the successes or advantages of another person. This state of being is rooted in negative emotion and cannot be displayed by one distinct behavior or reaction. There are several reasons for resentment or jealousy.

Types of Jealousy

• Romantic: When the attentions of a partner are directed toward someone else.
• Power: More attention directed toward one employee of a similar position to another.
• Family: Lack of attention from a family member or more attention toward a family member.
• Friend: Comparing two friends and giving one more attention than the other.

The Insight: To celebrate others and learn to overcome jealousy, it’s important to know, wholeheartedly, that the attentions, recognition or praise toward another has no actual bearing on you as an individual. You will have the confidence to understand that when you have presented your best self at all times. Celebrating others stems from a positive emotion, therefore it is impossible to be jealous when doing so.

Can you celebrate others despite your jealousy?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life

The Scenario: Do you think about the appropriate way to celebrate the success of someone from another culture? Understanding the concepts between collectivism and individualism according to the Cultural Value Dimensions by Psychologist Geert Hofstede may lead you in the right direction, but there are many ways.

What are some of the ways to celebrate the accomplishments of others?

Celebrating others is defined as expressing a sincere praise for the accomplishments or recognitions of others even in the wake of your own defeat or lack of personal recognition.

Here are some suggested ways to celebrate others:

1. Demonstrate your inspiration and motivation by presenting a token of respect for their achievements
2. Be engaged and supportive by giving focused attention, time, and energy
3. Give words of adoration face-to-face or via letter, email, text or voice message
4. Show public display of appreciation via a group meeting, forum, or social networking post.

When in doubt, ask how best to show your appreciation for an individual’s efforts.

The Insight: Celebrating the success or accomplishments of others is also a display of humility. Taking the time to understand the best way to communicate your message will ensure that your efforts are successful.

How do you successfully celebrate others?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

Creating Positive Perspectives for Life